Christmas Eve Hiccups

Well, it's Christmas Eve and the middle of the night. Brynn is sitting here with me wide awake and has the hiccups. I have to smile because she has always been a hiccuper. And like so many times over the last few months - it's the middle of the night and it is just the two of us - partners in crime. So many times over the last few months I have glanced at the clock to see the time 2 or 3AM glaring back at me and I am by myself which would normally make a person feel pretty darn lonely. But over those last few months, I was not alone - I've had Brynn with me...Brynn and her hiccups. They have actually come to be a strange source of comfort for me during those early waking hours. The first time I heard them was when I was 27 weeks pregnant with her and I was admitted for my membranes buldging and contracting every few minutes and was placed on icky Mag Sulfate. I was so scared that she was going to come that first night and possibly be so sick. I was afraid she was going to have so much uphill battle ahead of her and I felt so sick from being on such a high dose of Mag to try to get my contractions to stop. And worse of all I felt really alone at 3AM since everyone else was sleeping. But then I heard Brynn hiccup on the fetal heart rate monitor and it made me smile because I realized that I wasn't going through this alone - we were in this together. It actually kind of lulled me to sleep for the first time in two days.

It was knowing that Brynn and I always had each other through any up or down moment that made getting through all the bumps possible. As long as I had my little girl with me things never seemed so bad or so scary. Even when I had that silly reverse peristalsis at the end and couldn't eat anything for weeks - hearing her little hiccups during those lonely nights in the hospital even took hunger pangs away, as strange as that sounds. And when it finally came time for me to meet my little partner face to face during the delivery - I discovered how close we came to losing her due to the vasa previa. That moment forever changed the way I will look at her. I wonder if Brynn will ever realize how much she has done for me when I needed her the most - my only wish is that I can one day do as much for her as she has already done for me. Last time this year was so different - the thought of having a daughter of my own seemed so far away after all of our IUIs continued to fail. So this year - I am so very blessed to be sitting here at 3AM with my little hiccuping miracle. I love you little girl. You are the answer to any Christmas wish or prayer I've ever had. Thank you for answering my prayers.

(And yes - Neela is happy to have you here as well - even if she does try to steal your clean diapers and run around the house with them as I change you...and even though she has to share our favorite pillow with you!)

6 weeks first time downtown

This weekend was wonderfully boring and uneventful. Here in Michigan we got hit with 12 inches of snow so Friday we ordered in food and made a fire. Then on Saturday, Brynn turned six weeks old and we had a photographer come out to the house to shoot some newborn photos of her (even though for newborn photos it was a little late.) I'm really excited to see what they look like - hopefully in a week or so we should get to see how they turned out. Later that night we went to our friend's place that they had just bought downtown. It was Brynn's first time going downtown and we had a great time, even though the windchill was well below zero. Brrrr....I had to giggle though because when I was packing up the fifth of Effen vodka we had bought for our friends I didn't want to drop it in the snow. So instead I thought a great place to put it was in the padded diaper bag. Ahh...how times have changed. These were our good friends from college whom we've spent many a tipsy night with and now we were packing up part of their "gift" in not a paper tote or something else, but a diaper bag. Yes we were all finally growing up!

Our friend's place downtown has a great view and is right adjacent to the Art Institute which will be nice to visit when the weather is a bit better - like next summer. You can see the bridge to Canada from there and some of the casinos as well.

It used to be a hotel from the early 1900s and has all of the orignal molding and old style locks on the doors still so I liked looking around at the atmosphere.


Today Brynn has a followup appointment at her doctor for another weight check (seems like that's our regular thing to do these days, LOL!) Then I have my followup appointment for my D & C. Hopefully we'll both get a good stamp of approval before the holidays and Brynn will have gained a few more ounces. Then it's off to wrap presents and get some last minute holiday stuff ready - like I'm sure everyone else is doing. It's snowing again and I think we're supposed to get another 3 inches so it'll be a white Christmas! I'll probably post later about our appointments, but I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas or Happy holidays that they're celebrating in advance!

5 and a half weeks old - beefcake

Delightfully we had our first boring weekend since Brynn's arrival. No one was in the hospital and no one was having surgery! Instead we had dinner with our close friends and life almost felt "normal." Best thing of all was that I didn't get sick from eating dinner that wasn't home cooked and instead was from a restaurant. Since the end of the pregnancy and my reverse peristalsis that has been a challenge - bland home cooked food settles and restaurant food "comes back up." One good thing about still being on Zofran here and there and the Reglan for my stomach is that the Reglan sure helps my milk supply! Even though Brynn doesn't breastfeed - I'm still able to keep up enough for her feedings by pumping every 2-3 hours and then giving it to her in a bottle. For anyone who is looking for a good pump - I highly recommend the Medela Pump in Style. I have used mine so much since she was born and absolutlely love it. Crazily enough Brynn is five and a half weeks old and she still always sleeps with one hand near her face just like she did in utero on all of her ultrasound pictures. Old habits die hard. Or else it's her paparazzi pose like "please...no more photos."

I set up a play mat for Brynn and she loved being on her stomach for a little "tummy time." She can pull herself forward and scoot quite a bit which is just the cutest thing to watch. When I was first putting the mat together Neela thought that I was putting together a new apparatus for her, LOL.



Brynn will pick her head up and then burst out in a large cry as it turns to one side or the other because I think it still scares her. Neela watches her while she's on her stomach moving forward not quite sure what to think. I'm not sure if she thinks Brynn is an odd looking puppy or what.


At her doctor appointment Monday, her liver enzymes remain the same - elevated but not any worse. A few people have asked why they think that they are still elevated and I wish I had an answer. That is one thing that is so frustrating. I'm delighted that they are not any worse, but sure wish that we were on our way to improvement. Part of it can be blamed on prematurity her pediatrician has said, but not completely. She continues to gain weight, very slowly, but at least it's a weight gain. Brynn is almost 5 and a half pounds and I when I heard that I laughed and called her our little "beefcake." Actually I went..."Beefcake...beefcake" in my tone that mimiced that line, LOL! Her pediatrician says that it's a waiting game now to see how Brynn continues to develop with the liver factor. Luckily she doesn't have any major hepatomegaly (enlarged liver) so that is a VERY promising thing.

Regardless of what the future brings for Brynn - one thing we know is that our little girl is quite a fighter. She has been from the beginning and her and I have been through a lot of bumps in the road together. If Brynn and I stick together, there isn't anything we can't get through.

Surgery all done

Thank you for your sweet words and good luck for my surgery the other day. Wednesday morning I went in and had my D & C done for the bleeding problems I've had recently. My OB was able to get rid of all of the retained uterine lining I've had that has been causing the problems. I'm so glad to finally have that done because since then I've had a lot less bleeding and am feeling a bit better. My CRNA friend and coworker did my anesthesia for the procedure and gave me the "top shelf drugs" that kept me a very happy girl, LOL! She also started my IV without any problems which was a relief to me. It was something I was worried about since I had so many problems with IV access at the end of my pregnancy. My sister came over to watch Brynn and my husband was able to be with me at the hospital. Afterwards I just spent most of the day sleeping at home.

Brynn had another rise in her liver function enzymes and bili again today when I took her for her repeat lab work. But the good thing is that they are not as high as last time and I am able to keep her home with us for the weekend and just have them repeated soon. So I'm continuing to keep my fingers crossed for a very quiet weekend for both of us. I think we're long overdue for some boringness...if there is such a word as that, LOL!

Surgery date all set

Ugh- after my appointment yesterday my OB called after reading my transvaginal ultrasound. Although he doesn't think I have any retained placenta (he remembers the placenta all too well due to the vasa previa) my ultrasound looks "ugly." My lining of my uterus is very irregular and rough and my uterus is still boggy. Also the bleeding continues despite the methergine I finished so I'm all scheduled for my surgery tomorrow morning at 11:30. I phoned my friend and she's going to do the anesthesia for me so that makes me feel better. I jokingly told her to save me the good drugs for my case, LOL! I always joke and tell my patients before their cases not to worry because I only use the "top shelf" drugs and not anything cheap. Just kidding of course...we always use the same thing for every case no matter who the patient :-) So wish me luck. In the past being NPO after midnight until lunchtime would had sent me into a grumble. But after living on clear liquids for that last month of pregnancy I'm not as bent out of shape. Isn't that strange? I'm still a bit nervous anytime I have surgery - it's a little tough being on the other side of the drapes as the patient when you're used to being the one "passing the gas" if you know what I mean. But on the other hand it's a good chance to once again learn some stuff to make me a little more empathetic to the patients we see everyday. Hope everyone is having a great night and wish me luck!

Please flood a fellow UU girl with support and hugs

If you get a chance - please stop by and offer some support to one of my fellow UU girls. She is in the hospital and has made it to 25 weeks after her cervix has shortened and she has contractions. Having a unicornuate uterus ( half of a uterus) often makes you have these problems with your cervix and preterm labor - something I know all too well after this recent pregnancy. Also I know how much all the kind words and thoughts meant to me - so if you have a moment I would really appreciate it if we could all give her a little virtual hug and some support as well. Thanks - you guys are the best!

One month old already!

Today Brynn is officially one month old and I don't mean to sound cliche - but I don't know where the time has gone! I'm so proud of our little girl - she is eating so much better and continues to gain weight. It still takes her almost an hour sometimes to get down her bottle, but as long as the feeder is patient, she pulls through like a champ. And at the doctor we learned that she is finally 5 lbs! Brynn still isn't too interested in actual breasfeeding, but I'm just continuing to pump every 2-3 hours with my Pump in Style (which I love by the way) and give it to her in a bottle. That's kind of nice when Brynn is eating every 2-3 hours my husband is then able to share the nighttime feedings. Other than the few days I supplemented with formula due to her jaundice we've pretty much been able to do solely breastmilk. But if for some reason I can't keep up with what she needs, I'm okay with that. Whatever works I say...I'm trying to learn not to sweat the small stuff with her. It makes for a much more enjoyable day when there's less stress on stuff. Neela celebrated her one month birthday with her sister by being a lazy couch potato. I have to admit, I'm loving spending time with my girls at home and can't even imagine going back to work anytime too soon, LOL!

This morning I had a repeat transvaginal ultrasound to look at my uterine lining. (Ahh...more early morning dates with my old boyfriend the dildocam! I've missed you there old boy, LOL! Yes I am sick I know...and just tired) I'm still having some problem with bleeding and I've finished with the methergine that my OB prescribed. So in the next few hours I should hear back if I'll be needing surgery or not. If the ultrasound looks questionable, I would rather just get it over with if I'm going to need surgery. I'm ready to get the show on the road if you know what I mean :-) I'm ready to start to move forward and be done with either Brynn or myself needing to spend time at the hospital.

The strangest thing happened this weekend....I got an actual craving for jello. How sick is that?Once glancing in my kitchen I realized that I only had two boxes of jello. So I sent my faithful husband to Kroger and once again he pulled through for me. We are now well stocked in the jello department.

Funny enough my husband said that the lady behind him was buying a lot of liquor and here he was buying all this jello. Together they could have made some mean jello shots! Anyways....I hope everyone is having a great week and after I take Brynn to her weight check at her pediatrician tomorrow morning I am looking forward to catching up with everyone's blogs. I miss you all!

Neela taking care of her sister

Well, Brynn is finally big enough I tried her in her bouncer today. I went to the bathroom for a second and heard her crying in the next room. A minute later when I got to her, I discovered that this was Neela our dog's answer to "helping" her new sister when she cries! I guess Neela must think that Brynn would like some of her doggie toys to make her feel better. Neela always was a sharing dog. She even takes her toys to her own reflection in the mirror, LOL!

All cuddled up at home

Thank you so much for those of you who have been kind enough to keep Brynn in your thoughts recently. Thank you for allowing me my complaining and "woe is me" post the other day. Sorry for being a downer for a few days. I just needed to feel that way and now I'm ready to move forward. On a much happier note, tonight was one of the best we've had! Brynn gained a few more ounces and is able to spend the evening at home curled up next to her furry sister Neela. I honestly think Neela was happy to spend the evening curled up with her new sister as well. (Don't worry - I don't leave the two of them like that unless I'm sitting right next to the on the couch, LOL). Things are holding stable with me as well, and I'm just continuing the Methergine for a couple more days. As long as my Hbg stays at an acceptable level, I'll just continue to hold out for the moment and have another transvaginal ultrasound in a couple of days. If I continue to have some bleeding and the ultrasound again shows retained lining then I'll have a D & C. Hopefully on the repeat ultrasound the retained lining I had show up on the ultrasound Monday will be gone. So for now we just hang out for a few days which I'm delighted to do. I still kind of feel like I've been hit by a truck, but my Hbg is holding at 9 and not dropping any further. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for a good scan in a couple of days. It's a small surgery - but it would be nice if I didn't need it.

If you get a chance go give Meredith a big congrats - her son was born the other day and is a absolute cutie! She's been my bedrest buddy for months and I truly couldn't have kept my sanity without her.

Exhausted

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts for our little girl. She is holding stable for now and gaining a tad bit of weight so that is truly a great thing! The last few days have been a roller coaster. For some reason I'm having some problems with some delayed uterine bleeding. My OB prescribed some methergine that I have been taking the last few days. I'm having some postpartum bleeding and feel like I've been hit by a mack truck. Brynn is being a trooper and trying to gain some weight and I'm trying to hold my own at the same time. I think the reason I feel a little shaky is that my nutritional status hasn't been the greatest since the delivery for the reasons that you already know. I want so much to be there for our little girl, but I feel so exhausted because I'm run down myself. Tomorrow is a whole new day and I can't wait for some new beginnings for us all. We're waiting to see if things slow down or if I need some outpatient surgery so we'll see what Monday brings. So I'm spending most of the last few days pumping and supplementing with some formula for Brynns's feedings. The most important thing right now is that Brynn continues to gain weight and have her renal and liver function tests improve. My stuff can wait a few more days and we're just hanging tight for now I could honestly care less if my stuff needs to take a back seat for a few more days - I just want Brynn to do well, you know? I think it's just a matter of time before we are all home and stable I can't wait for us all to be able to look at our Christmas tree and just lay around an be lazy bums with some Christmas carols playing in the background. That'll be a great day indeed!

A different sort of Thanksgiving

I just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you so much for keeping Brynn in your thoughts. I'm a big believer in the power of people pulling together good thoughts and good results occurring...so thank you. You are simply the best and I truly mean that. Brynn is pretty stable for moment. Her bilirubin is still high, but could be much higher - so I'm not too concerned with that, it'll improve with time. Her liver function tests show that her liver enzymes are elevated three times as high as they should be so that is a bit more concerning. They'll be repeated over the next couple of days. Also, despite eating well, her weight is a major issue. We're hoping for some good news and a good weight gain by tomorrow when it's checked. Otherwise, they may have to do something more invasive to help Brynn get over the hump. I'm praying that she is a plump little turkey by tomorrow! Please continue to keep her in your thoughts if you get a chance.

This Thanksgiving was so different than how we have spent them in the past. Usually we spend part of the day with my family including grandparents, parents, siblings, niece and nephews at my mom and dad's. Then we travel to Ohio and spend the rest of the day with my husband's family. Instead we spent the day hovering over Brynn the two of us watching her sleep and trying to get her to feed while chatting with her pediatrician earlier in the day. Instead of turkey and homemade feasts made by both families we ate from one of the only restaurants that was actually open for carryout on the holiday. My husband and I grabbed food from National Coney Island - a Detroit favorite and devoured some classics like a chicken hani (mine plain minus my favorite sauce due to my silly fussy stomach, LOL!) greek salad and my husband had his coney dog.


But despite the Thanksgiving being so different than those of the past - I think I spent the day more realizing what it was all about more than I had in any year past. Around lunchtime it hit me like a brick wall how fortunate we have been this year. My husband and I had so much to be thankful for. I am one of the luckiest girls around to be where we are today. Despite some bumps, my pregnancy went so much better than pregnancies go for many people. I have been blessed. Brynn is the reason that I am thankful today. I'm thankful that she has taught me what it is to love to a level I didn't know was possible until recently. And I'm thankful that she has taught me to have a little faith that things really do happen for a reason, even if we don't know what they are.

So although my Thanksgiving didn't involve family dinners, or turkey and stuffing...it was simply the best Thanksgiving I've ever had. And I will not forget the road we've traveled recently and all the blessings along the way.

Please keep Brynn in your thoughts

We went to the pediatrician for a routine weight check on Brynn today and despite eating well she's losing weight and her jaundice has returned. We're on our way back to the hospital to have more lab work done for her and to have things checked out. Her doctor is worried about her renal and liver function and it looks like we might be spending our first Turkey Day with Brynn back in the hospital. So if you would please keep our little girl in your thoughts and prayers I would so appreciate it. Your mom and dad love you a lot little girl! Get well soon because we loved our short time at home all together as a family.

Brynn's second week - roll over little girl!

I feel badly that I've been a bad blogger this past week - it's been a bit of a crazy week at home. Thank you so much for you sweet comments on my last post - I can't wait to catch up and see what is new with everyone else. I finally feel a bit caught up at home where I look forward to doing that tonight :-) My mom had surgery this week on her cervical spine so I spent some time at the hospital with her helping her recover. It was the least I could do for her after she was my shower buddy who helped me with things as simple as washing my hair and to change my gown those last few weeks of my pregnancy when either I was too weak or didn't want to lose an IV site that was difficult to come by. Things are going well - recovery is slow and I need to follow up with my gastroenterologist (GI doctor) but everyday gets better. I think I have actually gained a little bit of weight this week and I definitely don't feel as weak so that is a great thing!


I can't believe Brynn is already two weeks old. She has already started to change in so many ways it's incredible. She makes the most amazing eye contact and she recognizes my voice when I talk to her. It's one of the things I love most. When other people are around, if I talk to her she'll turn her head towards me like - "I know you ....you're my mom!" She has done some crazy things that made her pediatrician shake her head. The other day after giving her a bath, Brynn actually rolled over! She scared herself so badly she burst out crying, and my husband and I looked at each other dumbfounded. Later that day she did it again at her doctor's appointment. Her pediatrician didn't really know what to say. Our little girl might be a tiny peanut, but she's a strong one!


This is Brynn after her first bath all snuggled into her sleeper . Her cord fell off the other day so my husband has declared that our daughter is finally "wireless." Yes, the poor thing will have a corny electrical engineer for a daddy.

We've been taking Brynn to the pediatrician every few days to be weighed and to check how she's developing. This is us in the car ride on the way to her first appointment - she slept the whole way :-) She has been gaining weight like a champ, taking her bottle so much better than she did the first few days. She takes up to an ounce at a time now and I have faith that she'll be up to 5 pounds in no time. Brynn still doesn't quite get the whole breastfeeding concept and instead just falls asleep anytime I try to feed her - typical 34-35 weeker behavior.. So instead, I've been pumping every few hours and giving it to her in a bottle. That seems to work a lot better and she tends to stay awake somewhat for her feedings that way. Our doctor has told us to continue to strip her down for feedings so that she's more awake, and as much as I love the fact that it does work...I feel terrible because I know Brynn hates being unswaddled, LOL! So for now it'll be feeding time in the nude for little Miss Brynn.



(She wasn't too thrilled with having to be naked on the cold scale - but liked being held afterwards a lot better)

Hopefully everyone is having a great week - the kind words and good thoughts will be more appreciated than you ever know. I will always remember the kindness that others have shown us during these last few weeks - including each of you who leave a comment or keep us in your thoughts.

I know that I may sound like I'm crazy or smoking something...but I truly have never been happier in my life. Sometimes when Brynn is crying at 3AM, I look at her and I just smile. I have waited so long for this - she has helped make my life complete.

Home as a family

At long last, after weeks turning into months of being in and out of the hospital - we are finally home at last as a family. After Brynn passed her oxygen saturation car seat test, we were all clear to go home. (at the hospital if the baby is under 5 lbs or before 36 weeks, they must pass a O2 car seat saturation test to make sure that their O2 levels stay up while sitting in the car seat for 45 minutes - mimicking a car ride home situation.) No matter how many times we played with the car seat - it still felt so clumsy placing our little peanut in the seat. But soon we were leaving the parking structure with Brynn in the back seat. I had foolishly told my nurse that I was fine to walk to our car and didn't want a wheelchair since that was an option given to me. After weeks of not eating a regular diet, losing 25 pounds, and being on bedrest - I had to stop 3 times along the way. I think I have been in a bit of denial of the fact that I have a bit of recovery time ahead of me.


Next I was amazed to take my first breath of fresh air in weeks - although I knew it was cold outside - the crispness of the air took my breath away. When I had entered the hospital it was 80 degrees outside. Now there was snow on the ground - typical of our Michigan fall weather. I felt a bit out of place as if time had continued to move forward, while I had been left behind. But soon that was just a distant memory as I glanced at my daughter in her seat and I couldn't help but break out into a smile. Yes, I repeated the phrase in my head. "I have a daughter," as if to convince myself that this was all for real. My husband flipped to the station that played Christmas music already and we set out to go home. I will never forget how I felt at that moment.

My husband said that he felt like he should be driving about 10 miles per hour the whole way home - that made me laugh. Then again, I think I glanced at Brynn 20 times to make sure she was still breathing in her car seat. Soon we were home, my parents had dropped off our dog Neela and helped stay to get us settled. It was so nice to pet my furry dog child- I had missed her so much.

As I type this, Neela is curled up on my lap and my husband is holding Brynn on his. (well a minute before that Neela had been lying on my scandanavian down pillow - back to her old tricks of stealing my pillow!) But for some reason I can't get my mind to stop racing. I can't block out the events that "could have been." To solidify what I already knew - today I learned more of the pathology results of Brynn's placenta. After delivery - they sent the placenta to pathology due to the vasa previa that we didn't know I had until the delivery. Technically Brynn shouldn't be sitting with us here in our living room. Technically, the results of the placenta show a "fetal demise" or a fetal death - even though that clearly did not happen, it technically should have. But Brynn is very alive and somehow still here with us. I just don't know how, or why we've been blessed to have this time with our daughter. What I do know is that I never want to let her out of my sight, and I will cherish every second that we have been given.

Great news all around - happy 1 week!

There's just moments I catch myself looking down at her and minutes go by - she just is literally the light of my life and she takes my breath away.
Although Neela our dog was a great bedrest buddy (she is doing great) - I can't forget that Brynn was my original bedrest buddy and has been with me through it all more than anyone else. Now we can be couch buddies on the "outside" as well!


Most of my CRNA coworkers think that she is the newest member of the OR crew and that she is an anesthetist in the making. Even her hat from the nursery volunteers is too big so it looks like a scrub boufant hat instead. Hmmm....maybe she will be my future little anesthetist? My friend wanted a picture for the anesthesia lounge so that the crew could see their newest honorary member.
Even though Brynn isn't technically that tiny - she still is swims in her preemie sleepers like this one my friend M bought for her.

(Thank you so much for all of the kind comments on the previous post and pictures - it warms my heart to read such kind thoughts) I couldn't be happier - Brynn is maintaining over the 4 and pound mark and taking almost 30ml every three hours for her feedings! Sometimes it takes a long time to get that amount down for her- but I am so proud of our little girl. She is a trooper and doesn't give up, even if it takes her well over a half hour or much longer to feed often. I've just been pumping and giving it to her in a bottle since she seems to like to do everything with my boobs, but the actual feeding, LOL! But I could care less how she eats, just as long as she is eating and gaining weight. Her bilirubin levels are below 8 as well. Best news of all - Brynn and I will both be home at last with my husband and we will get to finally start our life as a family all together at last. Just the way things should be.

Some first pictures

I promise I'll have some words to go along with these pictures soon! But I figured posting a few pictures was more fun than writing all about how she got here. So soon I'll add that info for those of you who care to read along as well. I'm kind of using this as a bit of journaling as well - so if it gets too boring - bare with me, LOL!

Things were a bit busy today - but I'm trying to find the best part of each day since Brynn has been here. Today has been filled with them, but I think the coolest moment of the day was when she finally took a whole 20 ml of breast milk in a bottle that I had pumped for her! A 20 ml feeding for her was so good to experience. Since I lived on a clear liquid diet the whole last month (and was filled with mommy guilt of course) - I always worry about Brynn getting what she needs to eat so she can grow and thrive. So this made me so happy - I'm still grinning! Soon Brynn will be a beefcake leaving the 4 lb range behind her. I just know it. So here's some photos - I'll post some better ones soon.

This is us Friday afternoon after finding out the results of our amniocentesis. The preliminary report came back as immature lungs but the last two values allowed us to just make the cut. We could induce and Brynn would be arriving soon! We couldn't stop smiling.


Next that evening my favorite anesthesiologist came in from home to place my epidural - which I was so grateful for-Best thing of all it worked like a charm.

Brynn came out to join us at 1:13AM with her lungs screaming. It was the best noise I've ever heard.
The NICU team was there to greet Brynn and take good care of her. Luckily she didn't need to be with them for long!
What was going on up on our end of the bed with my OB and myself while the NICU team was with Brynn was so horrific for me to learn and I don't think I can even put it to words yet. In time I can elaborate a bit more. For now - I will leave it as that.

Brynn has done wonderful and to say she is a miracle doesn't even seem enough. As I said - I can explain more, but in time.
Best of all - I have learned a new way in what it means to be thankful. After some crazy months - I finally got to hold Brynn in my arms.
After being with the NICU for a short while - we are all together as a family at last.
Our first family photo where I didn't wear a hospital gown - it was so weird to wear anything else for the first time in weeks.


I promise I'll write more soon. Guess what? Not only is Brynn eating a bit better - but so am I. I can now eat dry cereal - "hello Cheerios!" and even had some applesauce. Life is good. Very good.

Tuesday again

Thanks so much for all of your kind words, prayers and good thoughts on the arrival of our little girl! They are all so appreciated! I'm hoping tomorrow to finally post an quick blurb of how the delivery and birth went to get out little Brynn as well as some pictures I promise. Sorry I haven't been better about updating. Things have been a little hectic and the internet connection not the best. Thanks heavens for Meredith!

Sorry for this quick update - I want to post it before it's lost in the land of the big dark hole of the internet that seem to go with this hospital, LOL! Brynn is doing great - she is able to now stay with us and is not having any problem with breathing at all. Her bilirubin levels have stabilized. Her main challenges continues to be some difficulty with feeding - but even those are truly not that bad at all. We are so grateful for all of the bullets we have dodged with regards to things that appeared during her delivery that did not surface until that time. I'll try to go into more detail tomorrow, along with some photos of our little miracle. I promise!

Pretty much I spend the day pumping and trying to get her to feed, but to see her get down a few ml of fluid and then a few more is so rewarding! I have never been more in love with something that weighs less than 5 pounds and it only grows deeper everyday.

Well, I'm off to pump and catch a little sleep. But once again - thank you so much for all of your good wishes. We are touched beyond words.

Quick Tuesday Update

Meredith here..

Just a quick update. I got a few short texts from Sara yesterday. Brynn is out of the NICU. Sara is eating some and says "life is good." She says getting Brynn to eat is a challenge, but improving.

Keep checking in...

She is here.

From Sara at 4 am this morning:
"Born 4 pounds and doing great."

From Sara at 7am:
"No Breathing problems. Little feeding problem, problem keeping sugar up and temp so in the NICU for a little while. Looks like her Dad. But tries to smile I swear! Happiest day ever!"
"I can't go home till I can eat good and labs are stable. But I already feel better just really weak."
"18 inches and 4 pounds even. Born at 1:13 am. Cute as a button."
"Vasa previa can be life threatening, but we both were fine - we both officially have a guardian angel" (Not sure about what the vasa previa is, but I am sure Sara will fill us in with her infinite medial wisdom:)

I will continue to make updates at Sara's request.... Meredith

IT BEGINS!!!!!!

Just got word from Sara.

She is being induced!! Epidural is in and the pitocin has started!!!

She is absolutely excited. She will soon be...
Holding her baby girl...
and eating solid food!!

Yeah Sara, Yeah!!!
Best of luck and a safe journey for you all!

Update Thursday

Status Quo.
Sara is still hanging in there - still pregnant. The amnio is scheduled for tomorrow. As long as the amnio shows good lung maturity, she will be induced then.

Let's all keep our fingers crossed for perfect results!
Meredith

Update Monday

I spoke with Sara for a bit this afternoon, so I will do the best I can to recall our conversation. She is still stalled at 3cm. Apparently Perinatologists have to follow certain guidelines before administering drugs that induce labor, which is what Sara needs to get the ball rolling. Things like a broke bag of waters, dilation past 4 cm or an amnio that proves lung maturing would each do the trick. And she is on the cusp of each, just not there yet.

At this time she is managing with contractions much like she has had for weeks. She has found some pain relief that works for her and has even been allowed some water, jello and broth. She sounds like she is managing the anticipation and frustration like a champ.

The plan for now is to do the amnio in the next 2-3 days (I think. The exact time line for this seemed unclear.) As long as the amnio looks good, they can start her on the meds to induce.

Hang in there Sara!!!

Meredith

Update Sunday

Another update from Sara via text this afternoon about 4:30...

Cerclage out.
Stalled at 3cm.
Water not broke but membranes stripped.
Lost mucus plug.
Needs amnio done first to show lung maturity before MFM will allow use of meds to induce.
Amnio is scheduled.

In her usual upbeat self she ended her text with, "Very happy still and excited!"

If she's still happy and excited, well then so am I. Hopefully more details will come tomorrow. I will update AS SOON as I hear anything.
Meredith

Update - This is it!

This is Meredith posting for Sara as I get text messages from her. Latest news: the cerclage came out at 4am this morning. She is 3 cm dilated and EXCITED!!

I'll continue to post as word comes through.

GOOD LUCK SARA!!!!!

Thursday pampering

Things are still going well! I'll try to give some brief update points so I don't bog you all down with too much boring detail :-) Had another growth scan - Brynn is growing well about 3 lbs 13oz which is fabulous. She continues to make good progress on a linear curve for her own growth so that is perfect. So the plan continues to let her grow as long as I am stable for the moment. The constant contractions and nausea and vomiting are not pleasant, but they are not any worse and I am stable. So the plan is to let her continue to grow and develop as best as possible. It is the least I can do for Brynn to give her the time to grow and develop as best as she can (at least until the end of next week - 35 wks).
My mom called and Neela our dog that my parents are watching must had fallen (who the heck knows how - she is always jumping on and off of things)and hurt her back leg and hip a bit. This involved a trip to our vet which is a good 45 minutes away and on the opposite side of the city from my parents. My husband and mom did doggie juggling and exchanged Neela in her duffle bag carrying case a few times yesterday to make an emergency appointment possible. Neela is fine- just kind of limping a lot and on a steroid dose pack for a partially compressed L5 disc. The vet said with rest - our furchild will be just fine and it's not a major injury thank heavens. But I felt terrible knowing that I couldn't help out when she was hurting - you know....doggie mommy guilt :-) Thank you to those who have asked how my husband is doing with everything. My husband is doing okay, but I know he is running on a low
tank most days. He packs up anything I might need him to bring to me for later in the day, tries to put in a day of work (north end of city), grabs dinner on the way to see me, and travels to the hospital (southern suburb), spends the evening with me and helps me with things I need, and leaves to go home to sleep on weekdays around 10:30. He then travels back home to the northern suburbs and repeats. On the weekends he tries to catch up on some of his laundry and mail, bills, etc, and picks up his dry cleaning dress clothes for the next work week. He also is my jello and broth runner backup to my mom, LOL! I am so thankful for all he does and I almost think it'll be easier once the baby gets here and we are all in one place together. My mom comes every afternoon to help me with things during that part of the day, bring me things I need, and help me take a shower so I don't ruin my precious IV sites. Did I mention I love my family? My grandparents, dad and sister have been in a lot to see me as well which is great. And tonight my great friend M might stop up - I can't wait to see her if it works out.

Today I kind of got a little selfish and spent part of the day pampering myself a bit. I think it did a lot to lift my mood - so I guess it was time and money well spent. Right now I feel guilty thinking about doing things for myself when I know most of the focus should be on our little girl - but I just couldn't help myself once I got started, LOL! I did some online shopping from Athleta - one of my favorite sporty clothing stores. I bought this coat, and then saw these hat and gloves I couldn't resist! All machine washable so if the little kiddo decides
to spit up I'll be all set. Next I ordered two pale pink stackable storage units from Land of Nod for Brynn's room that match her bedding and color scheme. Then I found some nice long sleeve T - shirts from Lands End that actually come in a size tall. I bought a few pretty colors of those as well.

Well, that's all for now. Thanks again for always checking in with us and as always the good thoughts and prayers. Our little girl and I really appreciate it and we think of everyone who takes the time to do so. Well - I know I'm speaking for Brynn. But you know she would love to be able to blow you baby raspberries in thanks if she could!

Tuesday - Rock, Paper, Scissors

This morning I woke up to the sound of sinks being turned out and nurses scurrying down the hall in labor and delivery to the C -section rooms. (my door was slightly cracked and my benadryl induced sleep cycle was beginning to melt away to meet the break of a new day.) I heard voices talking about a woman whose membranes had been ruptured for several weeks and them needing to deliver the baby right away because the mom was now septic despite people's best efforts. She was now only 25 weeks pregnant. I glanced down and realize my right hand was gripping the left side of my belly as if I was trying to shield Brynn from the early morning events going on around us. What an odd response on my part I suppose. Gosh...we have been so very blessed. I am constantly being humbled by what is going on around me to so many of these families. Why do some people draw the short straw in pregnancy russian roulette? While others of us come out on top during the game of rock, paper, scissors? I thankful that I have not drawn the short straw this time. But my heart aches for those who have.

Still able to keep down my kick butt jello and some broth - my mom even brought me some homemade broth with some less sodium so I don't swell up like a balloon. Heavenly. She also helped me wash my hair today, double heaven! We took a photo of our bathroom beauty shop session, but blogger won't let me upload pictures. I'll see if my gestational twin Meredith can help me with that later. If you have a second go give her a little hello and encouragement for all of her hard work with bedrest and her crazy pregnancy. She not only have done an amazing job dealing with her own crazy journey, but everyday (literally) she helps me deal with mine - and without
any complaints!

Had a BPP yesterday after the little girl looked a little sleepy on the monitor - but all is well. Brynn always pulls through with her end of this pregnancy! My grandparents are near 90, but are coming to visit me in a few minutes so it is a good day. My mom is going to dress Neela our dog up as a pumpkin for Halloween and she'll help my dad hand out candy. I'm sure they'll all have fun, LOL! I miss her so much. Growth scan tomorrow on the little baby girl and just hanging in there still. Thank you again for all the prayers- I can never emphasize that enough!

Musings of a Jello Queen

Just a quick note to say that I've had a pretty good weekend. Still keeping down my jello and water - no PICC line or PPN needed yet so life is good! Brynn is continuing to look great as well - so tomorrow is another new day. One day at a time, right? I feel run down and kind of out of it - but extremely grateful. Thanks again for all of the prayers and good thoughts. I'll try to update tomorrow once I see more of what Monday brings. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Friday and interesting last two days

Kind of crazy last few days. Both some really great and some really not so great news. Good news first is Brynn had her growth scan and is thriving away like a champ. She showed good growth of a couple of more ounces from her previous scan which was only days before. So that is wonderful. Our little girl looks great on the monitor, and passes with flying colors.

Bad news is a complete change of plans in the works, or else rather that the plan seems to change day by day which has me on a bit of an emotional roller coaster I believe. While Brynn's health is thriving, mine is slowly continuing to slip.

I'm currently having problems eating things still and am spilling large amounts of ketones in my urine. These ketones are not due to dehydration or problems with elevated blood sugars that some people have. Basically I am not able to get enough glucose or sugar sources orally without vomiting that my body is breaking down all of my protein from my muscle. If I can't keep jello and water down and my electryoltes get way off - they may likely stay that way even for a tad
bit after Brynn is born. And that doesn't leave me very stable for a C-section if it is needed. Basically in medicine you always try to "optimize" the patient, and get as many problem fixed as possible before surgery or a major even like a birth is coming up. And as long as Brynn looks okay and is thriving, and not in distress....then they will keep her in and can't actively induce labor or do a c-seciton if I don't go into full blown labor on my own. Baby before mom has always been the practice often in medicine if it's not life or death situation. And that is the case here - not the best, but could always be so much worse I keep telling myself. So they are trying to keep me "optimized" right now. If I can't keep jello and water down (I can a bit somewhat today) then they can increase what they give me through this IV or PICC line (peripherally inserted central cathetar) if they need to put one in on the weekend. Basically it's a central line inserted peripherally.

You can see where I am going with this. My IV access has also been a major problem. Normally I am an easy stick - but with everything that has happed recently - even my CRNA and anesthesiologist friends have had some trouble placing the common peripheral IVs patients recieve. They're currently discussing placing a PICC line if need be since I'll need a dedicated line for labor anyways (independant of my current nutrional status). Once this is in they can even give you something called TPN and lipids through the PICC line. This would be the most extreme case and only if my health continues to deteriorate. This is not something I want at
all, but since things may not improve for a few days even after her delivery and because placing me in a good nutritional state also places her in the best nutritional state ...this makes me realize what I need to do. Besides to not is to basically say I would rather make myself extremely ill - and waste away in an anorexic like state. And I know that doesn't make sense either. Plus if it
gets me better in the long run - I have to do whatever it takes I guess.

If you want at little too much info: TPN = total parental nutrition (basically a big old yellow bag of vitamin water and iron) and lipids is a white bottle with fat in it. They run it through an IV - PICC line. Sounds appetizing. I wonder if it comes mexican flavored through the IV - or if I could order a margarita to be mixed in "on the rocks, salted glass?" Maybe I could take my TPN in a key lime ice cream flavor.....hhhhmmmm???? I'm hoping it doesn't come to this. But if it did - I don't think it would be for a few more days. And I may need this whether Brynn is born in 4 days or 10, you know? GI doc thinks the lining of my stomach is all inflamed due to the constant vomiting and may take a bit to calm down. And that the constant vomiting was due to contracitons and the position of the uterus near my bowel and bladder. Things are a bit squished down there I know due to the pregnancy. Plus I have a right pelvic kidney just to cram stuff in more. But with the UU I know I should be happy at least I have two kidneys and not one. They started a new IV med to help with that as well today - so I can only hope? I'm already taking Zofran and Reglan around the clock as well as Bendadryl so hopefully the newly added med with this will help.

Thank you for all of your help with prayers and kind words. They are really appreciated - especially now. They have done wonders for Brynn, and I know that if they can help her....then all of the support helps me as well. I keep thinking that the end is still in sight, I'm trying not to get hung up on details of exact time frames. Just one hour at a time. That is manageable. I just want to be a good mom for our little girl, and all the bumps are worth it. Yesterday I had an extremely down day - but I know I can't stay that way either. So forward we go...and thanks for following along with us as we do so. You are all truly the best! (And Meredith - as always...thank you for your being my constant lifeline and connection to the outside world!)

Wednesday 33 weeks

Just another quick update (seems like that's my favorite way to start posts these days!) We have another growth scan and ultrasound BPP around dinnertime tonight - so I'm excited to catch another glimpse of our little girl and to see how she's growing. Still hanging in there contracting away similar to my strip I posted in my last post. Still vomiting quite a bit - I just wish I could get it to stop. We talked about possibly not waiting until early next week when I turn 34 weeks now if I continue to lose more ground due to not being able to keep anything down. Just trying to take my zofran and reglan around the clock and even benadryl here and there due to it's slight antiemetic effect. I can still do water and jello sometimes which is something at least I guess. I want so badly just to suck it up and just get to 34 weeks because I know that is what everyone really wants for her. I think a lot will depend on our little girl's growth scan later today as well. Thank you again for all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers. They make all of the difference in the world.

33 weeks and holding....UPDATED Monday

Just wanted to send a quick update to say thanks for all of your good thoughts and kind wishes! Still thinking of everyone often. Meredith - thank you for being my connection to the outside world! Here is a photo of how our little one and I spend most of the day - she's the top strip with her heart beating happy and oblivious away, and the bottom strip is me contracting away.

Photo of our little girl at 33 wks - I'm so proud of her for making it this far! She's about 3 lbs 3 oz they told us today - her growth rate is slow but is continuing so that's why they want her to cook until 34 weeks if possible.


Today seems to be a bit of a better day because I finally gave in after much prodding from all the docs and took something to help me sleep last night - and was actually able to catch a couple hours together. I hate doing that, but I'll literally do anything to help get us to next week. Still on the procardia and just trying to take thing an hour at a time. Nausea and vomiting are kind of my main battle right now, but there are some times I can keep things down and others not so much. My mom and husband have brought me jello in every flavor imaginable - you would be amazed with how creative they can get! Anyways - hope everyone is doing well, and thank you so much for keeping us in your thoughts - it is so appreciated.

Sara is still in L&D and has limited internet access. I am cutting and pasting from an update I got from her Friday night. Meredith

From Sara:
I was taken off Mag Friday night. That's a great thing. I'm contracting away like a mad woman however transitioning over to pro.cardia so I'm either thinking that they'll put me back on it for another day or two (which I'm actually okay with since they hurt so badly and I can't sleep or eat with them) or else bump up my pro.cardia if possible. Since I was already just on the Mag - I'm kind of still okay with being on it for a bit longer if need be. I never knew contractions could hurt so badly - or else I'm way more of a wimp than I thought, lol! I finally got a direct answer out of my doctor as we're finally closing in on 34 weeks - which would be a week from Monday for me (Halloween week) the 27ish? Basically, if I continue to contract they might try Mag with me until that date. Once I hit that date or really near it - they'll finally cut my cerclage and just deliver me. Phew - that's in like 10 days!!! That is super close - can't believe it. It's the first time they've given me a answer of when the end in sight might be. I feel so relieved in a strange way. She would be totally fine now. A lot of time those little ones go home when the mom does. That would be like surreal and unbelievable. Even if she stayed it would only be for a short time I'm sure. That has me VERY excited.