Christmas Eve Hiccups

Well, it's Christmas Eve and the middle of the night. Brynn is sitting here with me wide awake and has the hiccups. I have to smile because she has always been a hiccuper. And like so many times over the last few months - it's the middle of the night and it is just the two of us - partners in crime. So many times over the last few months I have glanced at the clock to see the time 2 or 3AM glaring back at me and I am by myself which would normally make a person feel pretty darn lonely. But over those last few months, I was not alone - I've had Brynn with me...Brynn and her hiccups. They have actually come to be a strange source of comfort for me during those early waking hours. The first time I heard them was when I was 27 weeks pregnant with her and I was admitted for my membranes buldging and contracting every few minutes and was placed on icky Mag Sulfate. I was so scared that she was going to come that first night and possibly be so sick. I was afraid she was going to have so much uphill battle ahead of her and I felt so sick from being on such a high dose of Mag to try to get my contractions to stop. And worse of all I felt really alone at 3AM since everyone else was sleeping. But then I heard Brynn hiccup on the fetal heart rate monitor and it made me smile because I realized that I wasn't going through this alone - we were in this together. It actually kind of lulled me to sleep for the first time in two days.

It was knowing that Brynn and I always had each other through any up or down moment that made getting through all the bumps possible. As long as I had my little girl with me things never seemed so bad or so scary. Even when I had that silly reverse peristalsis at the end and couldn't eat anything for weeks - hearing her little hiccups during those lonely nights in the hospital even took hunger pangs away, as strange as that sounds. And when it finally came time for me to meet my little partner face to face during the delivery - I discovered how close we came to losing her due to the vasa previa. That moment forever changed the way I will look at her. I wonder if Brynn will ever realize how much she has done for me when I needed her the most - my only wish is that I can one day do as much for her as she has already done for me. Last time this year was so different - the thought of having a daughter of my own seemed so far away after all of our IUIs continued to fail. So this year - I am so very blessed to be sitting here at 3AM with my little hiccuping miracle. I love you little girl. You are the answer to any Christmas wish or prayer I've ever had. Thank you for answering my prayers.

(And yes - Neela is happy to have you here as well - even if she does try to steal your clean diapers and run around the house with them as I change you...and even though she has to share our favorite pillow with you!)