Mag is weaning, Ultrasound BPP results

Yesterday has been both a really good day, and also one that has a bit of the scariest for me so far. Right now, I feel like I live between extremes of feeling extremely happy and optimistic - and at other times I feel like I go through things I find I have a very difficult time handling.

Positive things first: My magnesium is being weaned off! Then they will restart my procardia an hour later and watch my contractions. If things are stable, I'll be allowed to eat some real food and get up to go to the bathroom - very good things indeed! Pudding and graham crackers here I come :-) Also, once the Mag is off my nausea and vomiting usually greatly improve and I won't have the blurred vision. My husband will also be a much happier camper with the Mag off as well because I'll actually allow him to turn the temperature in the room up a degree or two since I won't feel so hot from the inside out. Triple treat- truly a good thing!

Things that have hit me like a brick wall: I was catching a moment of actually resting comfortably when I heard the fetal heartbeat rhythm slow down a bit. After awhile it returned to it's previous rate. My husband didn't even notice. The volume was turned way down on the monitor just for this very reason - so that we don't cringe over every blip or time that the baby moves and goes off the monitor for a moment or two as all babies being monitored around the clock do. But my ears are so tuned in to noticing little changes even at low volumes after all of the hours of working up in labor and delivery, or in the operating room with the anesthesia machine that it sounded like a freakin fog horn was blaring a warning signal. Someone just have well screamed in my ear that Brynn was having a decel.

Decels are drops in the baby's heart rate, and an important thing to look at when they occur is whether the monitor was accidentally picking up the mother's heart rate instead of baby's (which is naturally much lower). Also, when the decel occurs is important, how low the heartrate drops (whether it drops from 140 beats down to 90 or 140 beats down to 60) and how long the heartrate stays low before returning to the normal higher rate (indicating the recovery). For instance does the heartrate stay low for a second or two, or does it stay low for much longer can indicate the baby's response to stressful situations. I knew that within a moment or two there would be a couple of nurses in my room to respond to this decel that I heard. Sure enough the door opened, lights got flipped on, and they began looking at the monitor strip and other things. Brynn then decided to do this twice more in the moments that followed. I now felt sick to my stomach, and was trying to explain what was happening to my husband without sending him into a worry frenzy. Often these decels can mean nothing serious so I was struggling to believe that this was the case for us. I actually had heard her do this the day prior once or twice - but they had been for very short periods and I didn't even mention these times because I was trying to believe that they didn't really exist.

Regardless, the OB resident that works with my doctor was paged. He soon came in and assessed the strip himself and reassured me that he was going to continue keeping a close eye on things and notify my OB also. Also, the day before on ultrasound it had looked like Brynn had the umbilical cord close to her hand which would explain the occasional short decels. But these decels were occurring very frequently now they wanted to do another ultrasound and a biophysical profile to see again if anything showed up. My dreams of a shower were beginning to look farther away!

Despite all of the drama, I am feeling a little better about things. Brynn seems to be having less of these decels, and the BPP turned out great. Our little girl scored a 8 out of 8 - a perfect score. Way to go girl! Surely enough, not only is her umbilical cord near her hand - Brynn seems to have the cord wrapped under her arm and she is nestling it like a security blanket. Just like a toddler sleeps with their favorite blanket - Brynn is has her cord under her arm and nestled up against her cheek - silly girl. Plus once again - icky uterus of mine has everything more cramped with less room for everything and Brynn has much easier access to her cord than most other babies. This was not something I had even thought of before.

Basically - this just means continued close monitoring. But as much as I'm trying to stay really light hearted and positive if I am truly honest I have to admit that my worrying consumes me at moments. I know that our girl is fine right now, things are moving forward in a positive way - and I am so grateful. But as Meredith said - the worrying that involves matters like the baby's safety can't even be compared to the worry I've felt about problems with my uterus or premature birth or things I've dealt with before.

Just wanted to say thank you again for all of your kindness and checking in to see how things are going. I truly am overwhelmed that so many people have been kind enough to leave a nice comment or words of encouragement. Just wish I could return the favor because it has made all of this so much easier. The moments I spend reading a nice comment are the moments when I have a smile on my face these days - so thank you.