Christmas Eve Hiccups

Well, it's Christmas Eve and the middle of the night. Brynn is sitting here with me wide awake and has the hiccups. I have to smile because she has always been a hiccuper. And like so many times over the last few months - it's the middle of the night and it is just the two of us - partners in crime. So many times over the last few months I have glanced at the clock to see the time 2 or 3AM glaring back at me and I am by myself which would normally make a person feel pretty darn lonely. But over those last few months, I was not alone - I've had Brynn with me...Brynn and her hiccups. They have actually come to be a strange source of comfort for me during those early waking hours. The first time I heard them was when I was 27 weeks pregnant with her and I was admitted for my membranes buldging and contracting every few minutes and was placed on icky Mag Sulfate. I was so scared that she was going to come that first night and possibly be so sick. I was afraid she was going to have so much uphill battle ahead of her and I felt so sick from being on such a high dose of Mag to try to get my contractions to stop. And worse of all I felt really alone at 3AM since everyone else was sleeping. But then I heard Brynn hiccup on the fetal heart rate monitor and it made me smile because I realized that I wasn't going through this alone - we were in this together. It actually kind of lulled me to sleep for the first time in two days.

It was knowing that Brynn and I always had each other through any up or down moment that made getting through all the bumps possible. As long as I had my little girl with me things never seemed so bad or so scary. Even when I had that silly reverse peristalsis at the end and couldn't eat anything for weeks - hearing her little hiccups during those lonely nights in the hospital even took hunger pangs away, as strange as that sounds. And when it finally came time for me to meet my little partner face to face during the delivery - I discovered how close we came to losing her due to the vasa previa. That moment forever changed the way I will look at her. I wonder if Brynn will ever realize how much she has done for me when I needed her the most - my only wish is that I can one day do as much for her as she has already done for me. Last time this year was so different - the thought of having a daughter of my own seemed so far away after all of our IUIs continued to fail. So this year - I am so very blessed to be sitting here at 3AM with my little hiccuping miracle. I love you little girl. You are the answer to any Christmas wish or prayer I've ever had. Thank you for answering my prayers.

(And yes - Neela is happy to have you here as well - even if she does try to steal your clean diapers and run around the house with them as I change you...and even though she has to share our favorite pillow with you!)

6 weeks first time downtown

This weekend was wonderfully boring and uneventful. Here in Michigan we got hit with 12 inches of snow so Friday we ordered in food and made a fire. Then on Saturday, Brynn turned six weeks old and we had a photographer come out to the house to shoot some newborn photos of her (even though for newborn photos it was a little late.) I'm really excited to see what they look like - hopefully in a week or so we should get to see how they turned out. Later that night we went to our friend's place that they had just bought downtown. It was Brynn's first time going downtown and we had a great time, even though the windchill was well below zero. Brrrr....I had to giggle though because when I was packing up the fifth of Effen vodka we had bought for our friends I didn't want to drop it in the snow. So instead I thought a great place to put it was in the padded diaper bag. Ahh...how times have changed. These were our good friends from college whom we've spent many a tipsy night with and now we were packing up part of their "gift" in not a paper tote or something else, but a diaper bag. Yes we were all finally growing up!

Our friend's place downtown has a great view and is right adjacent to the Art Institute which will be nice to visit when the weather is a bit better - like next summer. You can see the bridge to Canada from there and some of the casinos as well.

It used to be a hotel from the early 1900s and has all of the orignal molding and old style locks on the doors still so I liked looking around at the atmosphere.


Today Brynn has a followup appointment at her doctor for another weight check (seems like that's our regular thing to do these days, LOL!) Then I have my followup appointment for my D & C. Hopefully we'll both get a good stamp of approval before the holidays and Brynn will have gained a few more ounces. Then it's off to wrap presents and get some last minute holiday stuff ready - like I'm sure everyone else is doing. It's snowing again and I think we're supposed to get another 3 inches so it'll be a white Christmas! I'll probably post later about our appointments, but I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas or Happy holidays that they're celebrating in advance!

5 and a half weeks old - beefcake

Delightfully we had our first boring weekend since Brynn's arrival. No one was in the hospital and no one was having surgery! Instead we had dinner with our close friends and life almost felt "normal." Best thing of all was that I didn't get sick from eating dinner that wasn't home cooked and instead was from a restaurant. Since the end of the pregnancy and my reverse peristalsis that has been a challenge - bland home cooked food settles and restaurant food "comes back up." One good thing about still being on Zofran here and there and the Reglan for my stomach is that the Reglan sure helps my milk supply! Even though Brynn doesn't breastfeed - I'm still able to keep up enough for her feedings by pumping every 2-3 hours and then giving it to her in a bottle. For anyone who is looking for a good pump - I highly recommend the Medela Pump in Style. I have used mine so much since she was born and absolutlely love it. Crazily enough Brynn is five and a half weeks old and she still always sleeps with one hand near her face just like she did in utero on all of her ultrasound pictures. Old habits die hard. Or else it's her paparazzi pose like "please...no more photos."

I set up a play mat for Brynn and she loved being on her stomach for a little "tummy time." She can pull herself forward and scoot quite a bit which is just the cutest thing to watch. When I was first putting the mat together Neela thought that I was putting together a new apparatus for her, LOL.



Brynn will pick her head up and then burst out in a large cry as it turns to one side or the other because I think it still scares her. Neela watches her while she's on her stomach moving forward not quite sure what to think. I'm not sure if she thinks Brynn is an odd looking puppy or what.


At her doctor appointment Monday, her liver enzymes remain the same - elevated but not any worse. A few people have asked why they think that they are still elevated and I wish I had an answer. That is one thing that is so frustrating. I'm delighted that they are not any worse, but sure wish that we were on our way to improvement. Part of it can be blamed on prematurity her pediatrician has said, but not completely. She continues to gain weight, very slowly, but at least it's a weight gain. Brynn is almost 5 and a half pounds and I when I heard that I laughed and called her our little "beefcake." Actually I went..."Beefcake...beefcake" in my tone that mimiced that line, LOL! Her pediatrician says that it's a waiting game now to see how Brynn continues to develop with the liver factor. Luckily she doesn't have any major hepatomegaly (enlarged liver) so that is a VERY promising thing.

Regardless of what the future brings for Brynn - one thing we know is that our little girl is quite a fighter. She has been from the beginning and her and I have been through a lot of bumps in the road together. If Brynn and I stick together, there isn't anything we can't get through.

Surgery all done

Thank you for your sweet words and good luck for my surgery the other day. Wednesday morning I went in and had my D & C done for the bleeding problems I've had recently. My OB was able to get rid of all of the retained uterine lining I've had that has been causing the problems. I'm so glad to finally have that done because since then I've had a lot less bleeding and am feeling a bit better. My CRNA friend and coworker did my anesthesia for the procedure and gave me the "top shelf drugs" that kept me a very happy girl, LOL! She also started my IV without any problems which was a relief to me. It was something I was worried about since I had so many problems with IV access at the end of my pregnancy. My sister came over to watch Brynn and my husband was able to be with me at the hospital. Afterwards I just spent most of the day sleeping at home.

Brynn had another rise in her liver function enzymes and bili again today when I took her for her repeat lab work. But the good thing is that they are not as high as last time and I am able to keep her home with us for the weekend and just have them repeated soon. So I'm continuing to keep my fingers crossed for a very quiet weekend for both of us. I think we're long overdue for some boringness...if there is such a word as that, LOL!

Surgery date all set

Ugh- after my appointment yesterday my OB called after reading my transvaginal ultrasound. Although he doesn't think I have any retained placenta (he remembers the placenta all too well due to the vasa previa) my ultrasound looks "ugly." My lining of my uterus is very irregular and rough and my uterus is still boggy. Also the bleeding continues despite the methergine I finished so I'm all scheduled for my surgery tomorrow morning at 11:30. I phoned my friend and she's going to do the anesthesia for me so that makes me feel better. I jokingly told her to save me the good drugs for my case, LOL! I always joke and tell my patients before their cases not to worry because I only use the "top shelf" drugs and not anything cheap. Just kidding of course...we always use the same thing for every case no matter who the patient :-) So wish me luck. In the past being NPO after midnight until lunchtime would had sent me into a grumble. But after living on clear liquids for that last month of pregnancy I'm not as bent out of shape. Isn't that strange? I'm still a bit nervous anytime I have surgery - it's a little tough being on the other side of the drapes as the patient when you're used to being the one "passing the gas" if you know what I mean. But on the other hand it's a good chance to once again learn some stuff to make me a little more empathetic to the patients we see everyday. Hope everyone is having a great night and wish me luck!

Please flood a fellow UU girl with support and hugs

If you get a chance - please stop by and offer some support to one of my fellow UU girls. She is in the hospital and has made it to 25 weeks after her cervix has shortened and she has contractions. Having a unicornuate uterus ( half of a uterus) often makes you have these problems with your cervix and preterm labor - something I know all too well after this recent pregnancy. Also I know how much all the kind words and thoughts meant to me - so if you have a moment I would really appreciate it if we could all give her a little virtual hug and some support as well. Thanks - you guys are the best!

One month old already!

Today Brynn is officially one month old and I don't mean to sound cliche - but I don't know where the time has gone! I'm so proud of our little girl - she is eating so much better and continues to gain weight. It still takes her almost an hour sometimes to get down her bottle, but as long as the feeder is patient, she pulls through like a champ. And at the doctor we learned that she is finally 5 lbs! Brynn still isn't too interested in actual breasfeeding, but I'm just continuing to pump every 2-3 hours with my Pump in Style (which I love by the way) and give it to her in a bottle. That's kind of nice when Brynn is eating every 2-3 hours my husband is then able to share the nighttime feedings. Other than the few days I supplemented with formula due to her jaundice we've pretty much been able to do solely breastmilk. But if for some reason I can't keep up with what she needs, I'm okay with that. Whatever works I say...I'm trying to learn not to sweat the small stuff with her. It makes for a much more enjoyable day when there's less stress on stuff. Neela celebrated her one month birthday with her sister by being a lazy couch potato. I have to admit, I'm loving spending time with my girls at home and can't even imagine going back to work anytime too soon, LOL!

This morning I had a repeat transvaginal ultrasound to look at my uterine lining. (Ahh...more early morning dates with my old boyfriend the dildocam! I've missed you there old boy, LOL! Yes I am sick I know...and just tired) I'm still having some problem with bleeding and I've finished with the methergine that my OB prescribed. So in the next few hours I should hear back if I'll be needing surgery or not. If the ultrasound looks questionable, I would rather just get it over with if I'm going to need surgery. I'm ready to get the show on the road if you know what I mean :-) I'm ready to start to move forward and be done with either Brynn or myself needing to spend time at the hospital.

The strangest thing happened this weekend....I got an actual craving for jello. How sick is that?Once glancing in my kitchen I realized that I only had two boxes of jello. So I sent my faithful husband to Kroger and once again he pulled through for me. We are now well stocked in the jello department.

Funny enough my husband said that the lady behind him was buying a lot of liquor and here he was buying all this jello. Together they could have made some mean jello shots! Anyways....I hope everyone is having a great week and after I take Brynn to her weight check at her pediatrician tomorrow morning I am looking forward to catching up with everyone's blogs. I miss you all!

Neela taking care of her sister

Well, Brynn is finally big enough I tried her in her bouncer today. I went to the bathroom for a second and heard her crying in the next room. A minute later when I got to her, I discovered that this was Neela our dog's answer to "helping" her new sister when she cries! I guess Neela must think that Brynn would like some of her doggie toys to make her feel better. Neela always was a sharing dog. She even takes her toys to her own reflection in the mirror, LOL!

All cuddled up at home

Thank you so much for those of you who have been kind enough to keep Brynn in your thoughts recently. Thank you for allowing me my complaining and "woe is me" post the other day. Sorry for being a downer for a few days. I just needed to feel that way and now I'm ready to move forward. On a much happier note, tonight was one of the best we've had! Brynn gained a few more ounces and is able to spend the evening at home curled up next to her furry sister Neela. I honestly think Neela was happy to spend the evening curled up with her new sister as well. (Don't worry - I don't leave the two of them like that unless I'm sitting right next to the on the couch, LOL). Things are holding stable with me as well, and I'm just continuing the Methergine for a couple more days. As long as my Hbg stays at an acceptable level, I'll just continue to hold out for the moment and have another transvaginal ultrasound in a couple of days. If I continue to have some bleeding and the ultrasound again shows retained lining then I'll have a D & C. Hopefully on the repeat ultrasound the retained lining I had show up on the ultrasound Monday will be gone. So for now we just hang out for a few days which I'm delighted to do. I still kind of feel like I've been hit by a truck, but my Hbg is holding at 9 and not dropping any further. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for a good scan in a couple of days. It's a small surgery - but it would be nice if I didn't need it.

If you get a chance go give Meredith a big congrats - her son was born the other day and is a absolute cutie! She's been my bedrest buddy for months and I truly couldn't have kept my sanity without her.