Third IUI results

Today what I had secretly been thinking for the last couple of days was proven to be true. At 4:45 AM my alarm clock went off, I rolled over to shut it off think...gosh I'm glad I have a four day weekend and wasn't on call for work all weekend either! I dragged myself out of bed, trying to convince myself that today would go by fast since it was Friday before the long weekend. I went into my bathroom, and discovered that our third IUI didn't work.

I can't say I was suprised..after two years of trying to get pregnant..you get used to not being pregnant, although I was disappointed none the less. I think if I'm ever lucky enough to get a positive pregnancy test I may not believe it. The doctor will probably laugh at me making him repeat my beta test just to be sure it's not a mistake. So I guess this month is round number three, basically more of the same before moving on to something else. I don't know what I feel more of...disappointed that we aren't pregnant, sad that this is our third Christmas without the hopes of having a child in the near future, mad that so many people who don't want to be pregnant are pregnant, or worried that we are one step away from our last option (IVF) to have our own child. I just hope that one day I'll be able to look at a little kid who I can smile and say has my nose, my husbands eyes, or my silly grin.