Moves and a miscarriage

It's been so long since I've updated. I'm not sure if anyone still pops over this way. I still check in on people - I love to see updates and hear how everyone is doing. It's been a strange last few months. An unexpected last few months. In the last weeks we've been trying to get settled into our new home, which is slowly starting to feel more like home.


Amazingly and much to our relief we also sold our old house that we had lived in for almost 9 years. Although it was so sad to leave- it was also sad having two house payments, LOL!

Brynn turned eighteen months and is doing great - she has come so far from where I thought things would be. She loved her little kiddie pool we set out for her this holiday weekend.





She loves pretending to drink out of anything we do like a water bottle, even though I think she prefers to dump it down the front of herself :-)





Brynn loves the parks that surround our new neighborhood as well. I'm loving the fact that the city we've moved to is packed full of great parks and young families. Pretty much every nice evening we pack her up in the stroller and just walk to one of the play areas nearby. Brynn stands at the back door around 6pm and just says repeatedly "Outside!" but it's more like "ou - siiiddee." No "t" sound...she hates those :-)


Most suprisingly of all was the way I had been feeling over the last few weeks. It all seemed vaguely familiar. Then two weeks ago when I was the only person in the operating room at work to smell a gas leak - I knew what was happening. Later that night I stopped at Tar.get. I went to the bathroom and saw something I had waited our whole life to see - a "pregnant" on a home testing kit. (Last time with Brynn we had gotten a phone call from the fertility clinic.) We were shocked, surprised, even terrified since we had been proceeding with a gestational carrier cycle in the months ahead. But most of all we were delighted. Could this really be happening?

I called my OB, started taking some progesterone that he had phoned into my pharmacy (since I'm chronically low in the past) and we held our breath. My HCG levels were drawn and they were rising - could this really be? Later that week we had an ultrasound - it showed a gestational sac - things seemed early so we scheduled another scan for the following week. As time went, I felt like things weren't right - no cramping or spotting - just not right. As we had more scans and more lab work - things I was used to from the past and we got to see something I never dreamed would happen. A few days ago I saw not one but two gestational sacs. Twins. Twins conceived without doctors, without in vitro fertilization, without a third party present. Twins in my uterus. What the heck?

But we found out the thing we would not get to see. And that was two heartbeats. Or one for that matter. I kind of knew that this was all a little too easy. When something like that happens at first - you almost forget that you are infertile. But I think once an infertile, always an infertile. It's part of who you are - and in the end I've come to accept that. We were just blessed to beat the odds once and look at what we got.