Lately I've been feeling stuck. Stuck about what to say here, that's why I haven't blogged as much lately. Stuck in our process of moving on with my amazing friend and our gestational carrier journey aka "Operation Give Brynn a Sibling." The whole feeling of stuck makes me want to stick my tongue out like Brynn does often. ( I was looking at photos from last month and saw this one...made me smile : - ) Just a short while ago we seemed so ready to charge ahead with the process. We ever had that good meeting with our RE and started the testing process. But then....stuck. My husband and I for various reasons just aren't ready to complete this journey that we started with my friend M yet. We still want to add to our family in this way with M, we still want to use our frozen embryo kiddos that we have from our first IVF cycle, we still want more than one child. But because I'm stuck...we won't be doing a transfer this month or next.I have to say that the very fact that I feel a bit stuck does scare me a bit. I'm not sure if it's just jitters, cold feet, or what. I completely want to do this amazing process that the most wonderful friend is giving us the gift of opportunity to do. I just wasn't ready to do it this month or next. Of course M is amazing and is okay with not doing this now. We all would like to do this fairly soon, at a time that works for both families of course. But I'm stuck. I hate to keep typing that. But it is so true....so stuck.
Growing up at my small Catholic school they didn't teach you about this in sex ed, there were no videos that discussed adding to your family other than the traditional way. I feel like we're venturing into an area that is far from traditional. I feel like I've wandered off the yellow brick road and that we're not quite in Kansas anymore. When taking your marriage prep classes at our church they kind of left out the discussion about using a gestational carrier - or any type of infertility reproductive medicine for that matter. What I think I'm trying to do is realize that we might kind of have our own yellow brick road to travel upon. That I might not be the typical Dorthy and that not everyone has to fit in all neat and traditional or Kansas - like. (No offense to the state of Kansas, we're only talking hypothetical Wizard of Oz talk LOL!)
So if anyone has any words of advice on how I can stumble back onto that darn yellow brick road and get "unstuck" so I can get on with this journey of adding to my family....I'm all ears.
In the meantime, I'll be teaching Brynn how to nicely play with her doggie so that no one gets hurt, LOL!
35 comments:
I don't really have any advice. Except maybe this is something worth talking to a therapist for? It's a really big deal and it might be helpful to talk to someone about it just to work through all your feelings.
I love that Brynn and Neela! That tongue is so cute. Elizabeth sticks her tongue out too and I yell "tongue-y" and tickle it.
Wow - I wish I had some advice for you and the yellow brick road. I can understand your "stuck" when we had the 2nd miscarriage I was sstuck on weither to have another try or not. There are tons of emtions you must be going through.
Good luck.
By the way -- was that photo from the Woodward Dream Cruise?
That video is too funny of Brynn and Neela - Nikita and Genevieve did the same thing. They played like that it was so cute.
Well, I can tell you that you are not crazy...I sometimes feel the same way. We are in our first 2 week wait using fertility drugs for baby #2 and I often think "OMG...what am I going to do if I am pregnant? Can we do this? Can we afford it? Can I physically take care of another baby? But at the end of the day, we want a big family and I refuse to let my conscience talk me out of it. Sometimes you have to walk into things with your eyes closed...and that's what I'm doing. Good luck Sara! You're in my prayers.
Ummm yeah it's really hard to give you advice about anything when you leave off with a video that is that cute! I can only see and think of cuteness!!!!
I can imagine how hard it is to be in the position you are in right now. I just wish you speedy resolution.
That picture of your daughter with her tongue sticking out is adorable. There is nothing wrong with feeling stuck. That just means your not ready. Listen to your heart and take some time. You will make the right decision in the end.
ICLW
Super cute video of Brynn w/Neela, I love how the dog takes her toy just out of reach of the baby.
Hmm, well first of all, Big ((Hugs)) re.your "stuck"-ness. This is some major stuff physically, hormonally, emotionally, socially, etc, etc that you, J., and Brynn have been through and now so busy w/work and raising your daughter, well, it's certainly understandable. (One thing I tell pts is, "What would be your thoughts or concerns for a friend going through your situation?". It's so much easier to be kindly objective to yourself when you have that space to breathe which it sounds like you need and your stuckness is providing at this time. I applaud you for recognizing and honoring your "stuck" place. I remember one of the therapists I work with telling me that in healing from stress i.e. PTSD (not that I'm diagnosing you, please, or anything, just using a clinical example that's been researched), that it takes Minimum half the time of the trauma (i.e. stress occurred over 2 years, takes at least one year to recover) and is more typically at least as long as the trauma/stress i.e. 2 years of hell = 2 years recovery. (And sometimes longer, very individualized.) Of course, your actual mileage may vary depending on driving conditions, no wait a minute, wrong Public a$$vice announcement.
Something personally that's helped me is I think about what are the positive and negative and list them out. Take good care, and thinking of you all w/<3.
I wish that I had some advice for you. I feel stuck often myself. Just know that something will happen sooner or later....good or bad life moves on. It's just that we always feel stuck in the past or what we would like from the future.
ICLW
I'm at a very different stage but I still have moments of feeling stuck and wondering if I should really proceed down this road. I think, with everything you went through, it's natural to feel hesitant even though it won't be you carrying this pregnancy. I hope you can get unstuck soon and start on the journey to another beautiful baby.
Such a cute pic!
No advice, here.
But I sympathize with feeling stuck.
((HUGS))
No advice, but you'll be in my prayers.
And Maggie totally loves the Wizard of Oz!
Thanks for the comment! That video was so cute - I like how at the end she's figured out a new strategy - to settle on a different toy.
Surrogacy is a bit odd at first, so I totally understand the weird feelings. I agree with what some of the others have said about maybe talking to a therapist to explore your emotions and get to the bottom of why you feel stuck.
Surrogacy is a a HUGE leap of faith and a series of plunges into new territory - but luckily much of the territory is already chartered by people who have been through it. Some of the concern for me at least was with people's reactions - but so far, people have only been happy or delighted or excited or more excited :-)
That video is the cutest video ever!!!!
I am sorry to echo so many other posts by saying I don't have any advice. But I had to de-lurk on this one just to say that your post hits very close to home for me right now. For us it is related to adopting from Ethiopia. We had a peace about it, flew through the first steps, it was all falling into place, and now we are stuck. It's hard to explain what I mean by "stuckness" but I get the sense that you also are struggling to put your finger on it. I can't really list any reasons NOT to pursue the adoption, nothing has changed from earlier on when we had a peace about the direction- we are just stuck.
The hard part for me, is that it would actually be easier in some ways to plow forward and just get the final steps done to file for the adoption. what is hard is actually sorting out- our waiting it out as is the case sometimes for me- the stuckness. More often than not, when I have experienced this same "stuckness" before, in hindsight I can look back and see that energies were out of sync, the stars weren't aligned, something. I don't claim to understand it, but for me, stuckness is a reminder for me to pause. And that is really hard for me to do. It was much easier when we were cruising through our adoption to-do lists. Being stuck means trusting that I will have enough confidence to move forward again when the stuckness starts to peel away and the timing is right.
I'm not great at un-sticking. I'm either full throttle, list making, or procrastinating, myself.
g
I'm guessing you're feeling resistant to the plan somehow? Maybe, as someone else said, still traumatised after your pg with Brynn and everything? Regret about needing a GS this time? Even if you don't feel this sort of stuff oonsciously, it might be there under the surface?
I'm probably just being dumb, but I don't quite understand what makes you feel stuck. So, for that reason, I'm probably not much help.
The one thing I can say is that when I'm faced with a decision I'm not quite ready to make, I tell myself that I'm making the decision not to decide. That usually makes me feel just a little better.
Praying for you! Wish I had the right words for you...
I'm sorry that you feel stuck right now and not sure of when to move forward.
You mention a couple of times not being taught about IF in Catholic school or in pre-marriage classes about alternative paths to parenthood. I know how difficult it is sometimes to get past a belief that you have been taught for so long and to forge your own path that can be vastly different than what you were taught to believe. For me it was time and sitting back to reexamine what I had been taught and what fit with my life now. I hope you are able to soon feel more comfortable with everything and move forward. Hugs to you.
I would say don't "push" yourself. If you're feeling like you're not ready, then give it a bit more time. I know that if I'm feeling stuck about something and I just sit on it for a bit, I come to terms with it and I'm good to go.
I love that video! Brynn is determined to get that toy from Neela, too cute!
Sending you lots of love and keeping you in my thoughts.
*HUGS*
Adoption is a beautiful thing and there are millions (seriously) of children and babies out there that need a family. Not feeling ready to move forward is that voice inside of you that says "don't". it says that for a reason. I believe it's the voice of the Holy Spirit in our lives that directs us. Some think it's your conscience...I tend to disagree. If you're feeling like not going forward, DON'T. That voice is there for a reason. Praying you get the peace that passes understanding about whatever path you choose.
Thinking of you and hoping you'll feel unstuck in your own best time for that.
Also, Brynn is too cute!
Sorry I don't have time to read the comments,but here is what I was thinking:
As wonderful as it is for her to offer this,it is stil another loss associated with your own fertilty. also, maybe, as irrational as it may be, you are angry with her for being able to do what you can't.
Maybe it would be worth it to talk to a therapist who speicalizes in this sort of stuff.
I think you'll know when you're ready. There's no reason to rush.
I love the video -- what great practice for Brynn's crawling. Neela is an excellent coach. :)
I don't have any great advice, but I hope you get unstuck soon. I know how hard it can be to be in the "just waiting" phase of life. I am sending you my prayers!
What a persistent little girl! The video made me laugh. She is so adorable.
Perhaps you are stuck because right now is just not the right time? Maybe there is a reason you are supposed to wait for a bit. I don't know if you believe in things happening for a reason. I think you will know when the time is right to move forward. Best wishes.
I wish you what you want most in life and that the answers come soon.
hi, I am visiting from ICLW...No. 125 to say hello and to check out your blog.
My Little Drummer Boys
Your daughter is so precious and does play very nice with the doggy. You are so lucky to have a friend offer you this gift, that's just amazing. I'm sure you'll get "unstuck" sooner than later and embrace it :-)
Happy ICLW!
The only thing I could offer is to say, who cares about that yellow brick road? I think your mind is wrestling with the idea/desire to "stay on the normal track", but why? Just try suspending that for a moment. Realize that God wants you to be fulfilled and happy, no matter what. Your cause is a just and noble one. Just because some small-minded people 20 years ago didn't have the where-with-all to teach you about alternative family-building, by all means, don't let that stand in the way of your dreams! Keep your eye on the prize...
Good luck with gettting unstuck! And happy ICLW!
What a beautiful little one!! I'm sorry you're feeling a little stuck. Hope you start feeling unstuck soon!!
ICLW
[hugs]
Unfortunately, I don't have any advice. What I can say is that I'll be sending good thoughts your way and I hope you'll be able to get to a mental place where you feel fine with the journey. Good luck! I pray everything will come to you clearly soon and you'll become "unstuck".
~ICLW~
No magical words of wisdom here...I think you'll get there when you're ready...This isn't an easy situation and I think you may just need to know that you can hit the brakes for awhile, take a deep breath and THEN move forward. You'll get there when your ready.
BTW, Brynn is SOOO cute! I want to snuggle her. =)
I think it's a good thing that you're paying attention to being "stuck". And I also think it's perfectly normal considering everything. Sometimes stepping back for just a couple months makes it easirt to step forward - so I'm wishing you lots of confidence for the future!! :)
lady feeling stuck is tough, now that you mention it I feel similar and I'm never having another. what you went through was traumatic with Brynn. Sometimes I feel that, scares, trauma and grief sneak up later when you don't expect it and tends to catch you of guard and unprepared. I have no idea how to help other than keep talking. keep talking. {{HUGS}}
i wish i knew the answer to help. Wow what a beautiful lil girl!
Just checking in.. hadn't seen a post in a while. Everything ok?
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