Today I feel like we have come up against a bit of our roadblock in our journey to adding to our family. As most of you know - we would love to give our daughter Brynn a sibling, and with the recommendation of our doctors feel that surrogacy will be our best option of doing so. We have an amazing friend who is willing to help us proceed along that journey. Brynn's godparents are both my best friend and my husband's best friend and are amazingly enough willing to help us with adding to our family. Yet over the last day and a half I have come across some disturbing news. I knew that by living in Michigan that compensated surrogacy was illegal, however I thought that uncompensated surrogacy was legal. I have now come to find out that Michigan along with about 4 other states are the only ones to have the most stringent surrogacy laws even persecuting unpaid surrogacy. Needless to say I'm beyond frustrated. We have a loving couple (my husband and I) wanting to transfer already fertilized embryos to a known and trusted friend to help us carry our future child. Yet because we live in the state we do it is illegal.
Brynn is bummed a bit too so she decided to give her furry sibling a little hug, LOL! (It's funny because I have caught Brynn unwilling to roll over from back to front or front to back. Yet when Neela is around she will roll over and try to snuggle. How crazy is that?)
Needess to say, I am trying to weigh all of our options. I need to talk to our RE, fertility doctor some more, I need to talk to the lawyer that I have left a message for in our area who states that she deals with our RE's office and surrogacy in Michigan. I need to talk with our friend some more, and our OB/GYN and perinatologist office who have dealt with surrogacy patients and have recommended that course to us. Needless to say this is not going to be as straight forward or simple as I thought. September may not be such a possibility. But what I know is that I want to add to our family. I feel guilty for wanting another child when we have been blessed with one such miracle already. I feel greedy. But I also know that there is nothing I won't do to give her a sibling. To hold another child of our own in my arms. I would fight to the ends of the earth for that...so because of that I will not give up so easily. Brynn deserves what every other child has, siblings, a complete family and a brother or sister. Just because she has my goofy anatomy and abnormal uterine anomalty to deal with doesn't mean that she shouldn't have what every other child has. And to boot...she has the means available through my amazing friend to make that happen. Our struggle now is just to figure out how to make that happen. But I will do that ...I must. For both her benefit and our own....I will find a way to make this happen.
Hopefully it is okay with her, but I have been blessed enough to have the help of someone here through the blogosphere to help start the process to make this happen. She is an amazing person and has pointed me in the right direction to start making some progress. So for that, I thank you. You have given me hope when I felt a bit down. After talking with you on the phone today I feel re- energized!
So for now, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I'm not sure if things are going to work out or not. But I sure do know that I would love to have another little one to call our own. I just want the same opportunity that millions of other couples have. I want the chance to have a family. OUR FAMILY....since we have everything else lined up. We just need the legal means to do so.
It's so funny...sitting here typing this I feel such a sling of emotions...frustrated, greedy, blessed already...but even though I have my miracle sitting here in my arms....you want to know what....I still feel most of all.....INFERTILE. Will this feeling ever go away? But in the meantime...I will cherish each day I have with Brynn...I realize it is not one I will ever get back. And maybe...just maybe....we will be blessed to even get the chance to dream of another.
34 comments:
Sorry, Sara. I send my best wishes and prayers for this to all work out. You are not selfish and greedy, this is all so understandable what you are feeling. Big ((Hugs))
That is frustrating.
I pray that it will all work out for your family.
Wow. How can a state tell two willing parties what they can't do in a situation like this??? I don't get it?
I have faith that this situation will resolve itself in time and Brynn will have a sibling (other than the furry one, of course). I am a firm believer that all things are possible, and I know thinking positively about it can take you a long way.
You aren't greedy. I am in the same boat with you.
*hugs*
That's stupid. I mean, really, really stupid. Why in the world should that be illegal? I shall now boycott Michigan. Move here. (Check the laws here first though, I don't actually know them.)
You aren't greedy for wanting another child. There's nothing wrong with that at all.
And I love that picture of Neela and Brynn. They are SO SWEET together!
Wow!! I definately will be praying for you guys!! Brynn WILL get a sibling end of story..you are not being selfish at all!! Hang in there :)
WTF????? Seriously? I didn't even know such laws existed. What is it to the state if three(four) consenting adults want to pursue surrogacy? I'm steamed. Could it be a don't ask-don't tell situation?
Hope you get some better news from the RE/lawyer.
You will be in my prayers! I hate to hear stories of loving couples who want a child and for whatever reason are not allowed to have one. It just doesn't seem fair to you and your husband, Brynn or your embryos that are juast waiting. I hope that everything works out in your favor. where there's a will, there's a way.
(Big Hugs)
Wow, that seems so unfair. I hope you are able to find a loop hole.
Whoa. I've never heard of this being illegal. This blows my mind.
If you don't mind me asking...what are the other three states that don't allow it?
I do have a feeling that this could still work out for you. I'm very interested in hearing about what your lawyer has to say.
Hang in there:)
Saying my prayers. And wishing that the law would get the heck out of our uteruses.
That just seems bizarre. Really bizarre. I hope it works out.
And I feel the same way - still pregnant without my first miracle truly here yet - worrying about a siblings, how we're going to do that, take care of baby, feeling like infertility stuff doesn't go away. It's the most bizarre thing ever. I feel stupid for saying this, but realistically, it's the case.
~~HUGS~~
Oh man :( That is so incredibly not cool. I really hope this whole legal nonsense can get sorted out quick and that you will be able to proceed because that is just crazy. And you should not in any way shape or form feel greedy for wanting two children! The family you imagined is the family you imagined and you should never feel bad wanting that. And most of all your family size shouldn't be defined for you by some law-maker who has no idea what it's like to be infertile. That gets me all hot and bothered and not in a good way!!!
I am praying for you guys. love you.
That seriously sucks. SUCKS. ~hugs!~ I hope it gets all worked out.
Argh. Surrogacy here is a mess, but at least it's legal to do it in another state and take your embryos. But really, it's daft. It shows how little legislators really understand about biology and reproductive technology.
g
I can only imagine the mix of frustration and anticipation you must feel. Its pretty similar here in WA though. Sometimes the law is an ass. Seriously. I hope that you are able to wend your way through this maze easily, because you deserve it! xxxxx
All of the legal stuff is awful, but the thing that really stands out to me is that after all the bull is dealt with you have wonderful friends who are willing to do this with you and for you, and that is a rare gift.
Hmm-another reason for me to move outta this state! I'm so sorry the law is so difficult. You are not by any means selfish for wanting to give Brynn a sibling, you are human! A loving mother! I'm sure you will find a way to add to your family. Let us know what you find out!
We will all be waiting to hear some good news. Like you said, you are determined, and you more then proved that with Brynn.
I hate all of the stupid things that get legislated. As if law-makers don't have more important things to care about.
I hope you meet with someone who can get you some answers and help you through this whole process. Because you aren't greedy or selfish. You just want the same things we all do...to plan your family the way that works for YOU. Shouldn't be anyone else's business.
And thanks for checking in. I need to get back into my blogging, it's always such good therapy for me
That flipping sucks (and I live here in MI). They have some stupid laws.. I hate that for you and your family. I am keeping my fingers crossed that another miracle will work out for you. Why should the government stick there noses in this type of good situation. Can't they find something else to stick there noses in? Come on.
On another note -- Ms Brynn is so cute w/ her puppy dog. I love that she will only roll over for Neela.
They are going to be best buds.
As far as your emotions -- it is understandable. I would be all over with the emotions too. (Wait I think some days I am).
Good luck..
What A PITA! I am so sorry for the feelings of being infertile. I am unable to confirm if these feelings Ever go away. I am told they go away when you feel your family is complete. But I cannot answer that for myself yet. I feel in limbo.
I am sorry that a State can make a choice for you. It just sucks and I will be praying.
I love that neela is brynn's motivation
Praying for you! i can't believe that this is illegal! we definitely need new legislation for infertility issues. folks just do not understand what it is like to go through this. what is so wrong with wanting a child? it will work out for you ... i don't know how but i know in my heart that it will. love to you dear uu sister!
ps. is it just me or is brynn getting cuter by the day? she's just so adorable!
Sorry for all the frustration and unfairness! I hope you are able to figure out a way to make it work. Hugs, Sara.
Fingers crossed! *wink, wink* :)
My word verification for this comment contains the word "wish." Good sign!
Sara, for me, the feelings didn't go away, not until I decided that my family is complete on my terms. I will keep you in my prayers, this will work out, if not, can't you move to another state for a couple of weeks? I obviously know nothing about this, other than is sucks, that someone has made this so difficult for families that are obviously already dealing with difficulties.
Well that sucks. What a bunch of sh*t. I too don't get why it's a problem when you have consenting adults doing it. I hope you are able to get some good news from the lawyer. You're all in my thoughts and I'm sending lots of positive wishes your way!!
Oh and I LOVE the pic with Brynn hugging Neela.
I'm glad that there are people out there helping you start the process to make this happen. I'm hoping that everything will work out. And I have to say that I know that couples who live in surro-unfriendly states can usually find a way to work around it.
(here from LFCA) I have not read all the comments yet so sorry if this has been said already, but I do know there have been surrogates who have lived in MI and delivered in IL with no issue. I don't know how far away from the Chicago area you are, but that might be a possibility. I think they may have transferred out of state clinics too, but not sure on that. I hope you find a way that things will work smoothly!
Oh, Sara. I'm so sorry about the surrogacy difficulties :-( I also wanted to apologize for not emailing you yet. Time has just gotten away from me.
I'm so sorry about that. I had no idea that such a law existed. I know that everything will workout and you will have beautiful family. Don't feel greedy you are not at all. I feel with you. You are the strongest person I know and you will do what is best for you and your family. Good luck martina
Sorry to hear of you difficult news. You sound very determined and I hope your dreams come true.
I would love to hear what you find out. I am originally from MI and live in SC now. My roommate from college who still lives there has offered to be our surrogate. I didnt even know/think this would be an issue.
Best of luck!!!
Illegal here too, though I know of a couple of girls who've been GSs (1 of them 3 times, the other once) - there are ways around the laws, made easier if you have drs who are willing to play ball.
Thinking of you!
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