Since I got the results of my beta last Friday, I been having some pretty mixed emotions. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything, but I'm having a little trouble allowing myself to enjoy this life changing news. You see, I feel like chic.ken litt.le waiting for the sky to fall. Except instead of the sky falling, I'm waiting for all of this to be stripped away. We've waited 30+ cycles for this, months of heartache, and I had actually just gotten to the point where I fully believed we would never have our own child. Then this...a nurse saying...yes you're pregnant. Yet what was followed was the actual words from my RE's office...yes you're pregnant, but you have several hurdles ahead..you had a significant amount of bleeding post transfer and due to your unicornuate uterus (which is associated with up to a 60% miscarriage rate...yup that's 60% - gulp). I wanted to scream back..yes I know all of this... I am already worried. She didn't have to tell me to worry, I already know what could be ahead. Just please let me be happy about trying to get pregnant for once. The rest of my life has been so blessed...almost picture perfect. Great job, great husband, family and friends..cute doggie...perfect. Except trying to get pregnant...no happy warm feelings there...nothing has been perfect about that.
Yet until I get a rising second beta Tues morning on my lab draw I truly feel like chi.cken li.ttle waiting for the sky to fall down on me and this pregnancy. Everytime I go to the bathroom, I'm afraid of looking to see what I could find. Luckily there has been nothing so far. Sure I have been feeling a few pregnancy symptoms, butI think I'll need a rising beta and a good ultrasound a week from today to make me feel like maybe, just maybe this thing that wasn't supposed to work might just have a chance of sticking around. So if you get a chance, please have some good thoughts for tomorrow morning...and keep your fingers crossed.
Despite all of this, I'm happy. I may truly be the most happy I've felt in a long time. A couple of people Erin and Sully and Mel are in the long never ending two week waits from their embryo transfers or IUIs so go over and give them a hello..and maybe some imput on how to stay sane. I'm sure they would appreciate it. After all I am so grateful for all the sanity you guys have brought me~
19 comments:
You're in my prayers...tomorrow and until this baby is here. I can only imagine the worry that comes with finding out it actually worked after so many negatives. Do your best to enjoy this time, as hard as that is. Positive thoughts can only help. Sending lots of prayer your way! Will check in tomorrow for those wonderful results...good luck!
Oh, heck. I am still as nervous as I can be and I've had nothing but good news this time. I don't think you are ungrateful. It's just a whole new set of things to worry about. (By worry, I mean be terrified about all the time.) I don't think that I will ever not be grateful every time I go to the bathroom and see nothing. I actually sigh with relief every time.
I will keep my good thoughts going towards your beta on Tuesday. My fingers are crossed and you are in my thoughts.
I wish I had words of wisdom but I think what you are feeling is normal. I don't believe I have had a chance to congratulate you with the crazy week it has been for me but I wanted to stop in and say congrats!
Its so unfair what all this IF stuff does to our brain. Im sorry you have to feel cautious at this point--I wish you could just be carefree for the next 9 months! Hoping and praying that the numbers are great tomorrow!
Thinking of you and hoping that everything goes well at beta tomorrow. Keep us posted!
You are such a doll, I cannot even imagine how half thrilled/half terrified you must be feeling right now. I am praying for you every day and hoping that these next few days and weeks will transpire rapidly and smoothly in to a healthy and happy pregnant resulting in a REAL LIVE BABY.
*hugs, hugs and MORE hugs*
Oh hun, I know exactly how you feel. I am constantly on pins and needles. I guess thats just how it is after AF, you can't ever just friggin relax!
I'm sure everything will be fine sweetie!! I'll be thinking about you!
Stay strong and ENJOY being pregnant! YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!!
Thank you. You are so sweet. :-) I am THRILLED for you and your hubby too! I think it's so neat that we will be able to go through this together!
I know it's so nerve wracking right now. I totally understand. I think I was most nervous for the second beta even more so than the first u/s. You just want to know that it's doing what it's supposed to be doing.
Praying for you and wishing you peace!
Hugs!
It's almost Tuesday. All is well I'm looking forward to good news. God is in control, give Him your fears & I'll be praying for you
Sending lots of postive thoughts for a nice high doubling beta. I understand about being nervous and scared. I hope the next few days have lots of good news in store.
I think the waiting that comes after the 1st beta is much harder than the 2ww after transfer.
Best wishes. Hang in there.
I can imagine how scary this all is after everything you've been through. I'm praying that you are in the 40% successful category. Sending you lots of prayers and positive vibes.
Good luck with your draw today. I am so sad when I realize how many of us have to temper our excitement with fear. It is the most unfortunate reality of living with an MA.
I am thinking of you and sending some good numbers your way. Thanks for being so wonderfully supportive. You pretty much rock!
m
I hope everything goes well this morning. Thinking of you!
Hoping for great news today, Sara! Your mixed feelings are totally understandable. We train ourselves to always expect the worst in this department, so good news throws us for a total loop. I'm really happy for you!
Follow up? How'd it go?
Hey Sara,
I hope things went ok today. Please check in and let us know how you are doing. I am starting to worry! Hopefully you are just so ecstatic you haven't had a chance to post yet!!!
Bad nurse! Bad! Like you don't know what you have ahead of you???
I hate that she ruined the moment for you. No matter what happens, be happy in this moment. You are pregnant!
Post a Comment