Surrogacy, the word which we will not speakith.

So I'm beginning to realize the rules of surrogacy in an unfriendly surrogacy state such as Michigan. Basically, surrogacy is the word that we will not speak of. Surrogacy is something that does not exist in Michigan. Yesterday and the day before I spent 5 + hours talking with a lawyer in our area. I also spoke with our RE whom preformed Brynn's IVF and months of infertility treatment with us. I am going forward with my guard up, hopeful...but guarded all at the same time. Things are possible, but definitely not going to be simple or straightforward. Yes, we know that my husband and I can create a viable embryo, we have a wonderful person to transfer the embryo to and to carry it for 9 months...but the conditions surrounding the process are anything but straightforward. Basically what I can say is that we have a lawyer who has dealt with similar situations in our state. We have a wonderful doctor who is willing to deal with sketchy laws and ambigoius language. We also have an amazing friend who is willing to carry our child for nine months. Things are falling into place. It will not be easy, straightforward, or cheap....but it is something I am willing to do.


Last night I was wondering if this was something that was worth doing or pursuing. My husband brought up a great point. He said, at the end of your life...what are you going to look back on that was important to you. He said, when you look back, are you going to be happy that you went on a vacation, bought a pair of shoes...took the easy route out. Or else are you going to be happy that you had two children. That you had a sibling for Brynn. The answer was so clear. I NEED to have a sibling for Brynn. She deserves it. It is at my fingertips. Don't ask me why - the here and why is not clear now. But I know in the long run Brynn needs a sibling. I've never felt something more strongly in my gut. I am an only child (two adopted siblings) my husband is an only child, my mom an only child and so forth. In my heart for some reason I feel Brynn needs a sibling. Therefore we must fight. It will not be easy, but we need to give her that. We owe her one. Since I am unable to have one for her, this is something we must fight to the end for to give her. Yes of course I selfishly would love another child myself, but more importantly...we need to have one for Brynn. And because of that we're going down the unconventional, unfriendly surrogacy path on our state. But we'll make it work. I know it is the word that we do not speak of....but we must somehow make this work.

Next on the agenda is a meeting with our lawyer who was recommended to us by our RE. We have a meeting next Wednesday at 5:00. She told us that she is not willing to mention the word surrogacy. We must refer to things going forward as "direct placement adoption." Sure...whatever. You can call it rainbows with unicorns for whatever I care. The other option is going out of state. It is not something I am willing to do at this time. My friend has a family and that is just not an option at this time. So sure...."direct placement adoption." Unicorns with horns and rainbows and leaps and bounds...whatever. I just want a second child. I know I can't have one myself and I know we have a blessed and beautiful friend who is willing to carry our little one for us. So whatever. Unicorns..."direct placement adoption....whatever."

Please as you have all been so great in doing...but keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Sometimes I wish things were easier. I wish that we could be a typical couple who falls in love and decides to have a family...but some malignant melanoma, some infertility, and some goofy diagnosis in the meantime...it's not that straightforward. All I know is that we want what everyone else has...a family. The 2.2 kids, dog and the white picket fence. And gosh darn it....I'm not willing to stop until we have that. Despite my dysfunctional body, our family deserves it. And if you're the praying type. Say a special thanks to our amazing friend who is willing to make this come true. Because for that she's the best. After all, how many of you have someone who is willing to give that much of themselves to make that happen for you. Yes....she's amazing. And we are so blessed.

Yes at the end of the day, nothing of this may work. But in the meantime I will fight. I will fight for our family and all that is possible. I want to hold on to hope that we might hold onto just a small portion of what others might take for granted. This morning, Brynn started crying at 5AM. Park of me was tired, part of me wanted to keep on sleeping. But the more important part of me had me rushing in to comfort her and give her a hug. She is such a blessing, and if we are so blessed to have another I will never forget it or take it for granted. I know people complain about having to get up early with their kids, but for that I consider myself lucky. I would love to get up with a second child. And as I said...we are beyond blessed to have a wonderful friend willing to give us that chance. Not only keep us, but her and her family in your prayers. She is an angel...and deserves nothing but the best. I'm a basic kind of girl, but yet have somehow been fortunate enough to be blessed with the striking of lightening for the best. I just wish others were so fortunate. Why we have been so lucky is beyond me, but say a little thank you for us, because we've been so fortunate. If only everyone was so blessed.

Somedays I feel like the hope of our family is so far away...but I'm still holding on.