I can't wait for the new fall seasons to start tomorrow, some of our favorites are on including How I Met your Mother, Big Bang Theory, and Heros. My husband loves Big Bang Theory especially - maybe it's because he identifies with it a little too well, LOL! Then on Tuesday I can't wait to send my husband out to rent the Sex and the City Movie as well. I couldn't get out to catch it at the theatre this summer with being on bedrest, so I've been dying to catch it on DVD when it came out - and Tuesday is the big day.
When I got home from the hospital and walked by the back room that is slowly becoming our nursery I kind of stopped and didn't recognize things. Things looked a lot different than how I had left them. Friends, family, and some of the CRNAs I work with have been sending stuff over or giving us things over the recent days and I was both touched and shocked to have actual packages in our house.
My mom had gotten busy in the room while I was not able to be doing things, and had made some progress with laundering and putting things away, or just separating things to be put away later.
On the pregnancy front, tomorrow is 29 weeks and I'm elated. I'm still taking my procardia every 4 hours and it seems to be doing the trick with holding the contractions at an okay level. I've only gotten woken up a couple of times in the night by them - but most of the time I've been able to catch some decent sleep over the last few days. I find when I actually get sleep it does a lot for my state of mind. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB, and another NST.
I am so grateful for all of the support that we have gotten from people - whether it be in the form of phone calls, emails, letters via snail mail (personally might be my favorite these days?), and the generosity through things for Brynn. Some moments though for some reason I still find myself in a funk because there is so much I want to be doing, but I know I can't right now. I feel like internally my nesting instinct is going in overdrive and there is this crazy pregnancy / new mom to be motivation bursting out at the seems with no current outlet. Sometimes I have to admit it can be a bit frustrating to not be able to prepare for her arrival like I want to (or always dreamed of doing), but I know that to think that way is kind of a waste of energy. The things that matter most right now are going just the way they should be. Brynn is healthy, and I'm at home. There really isn't much more time to even feel this way because I know she'll be here before we know it, and I'll finally get to see the face I've waited so long to gaze at. I just feel like I'm lying if I say that those feelings of wishing that things had gone slightly different don't pop up every now and then. But the important thing is that for the time being I need to keep letting things go for right now, let others do things as much as it drives me crazy not to be doing them, and just let our daughter continue to grow. Although most of the time I feel like I'm kind of useless as far as productivity - I guess I'm doing the one thing that I can't let others do right now, and that's keep our little girl safe inside for as long as possible. And I hope that this doesn't make me sound ungrateful for everything that has been done for us - because I wouldn't have traded that for anything in the world, not even a "normal" or uneventful pregnancy. We have been touched by so many people, and I'll never forget that.
42 comments:
You're doing far more than anyone else is, love. You're giving her the best possible start. Trust me: in a couple months, you'll wish that you had some time on your back again (okay, maybe not, but you know what I mean.). Plenty of time for being up and about soon enough.
*hugs*
(I'd be going stir crazy, too.)
I think all of your feelings are totally justified. You ARE doing a different job than anyone else can do and there is value in that. Let others bless you and do things for you. As soon as Brynn is here, you'll have plenty of opportunity to catch up on "work"
Yippeee Skippee for 29 weeks!
I am very touched by your post and your embracing of your journey, all of it. It must be very frustrating to have all this pent up nesting energy and what a gift you realize that none of us can do what you are doing, gestating LGS. I'm delighted you are getting rest, hope you are eating okay. Please give Miss Neela a cuddle for me, LGS too! Hmm, you like snail mail...good to know! I love all the baby loot too, so precious, you are very much loved. OMG, I'm all teary here, ((Hugs))
I am so happy for you. Once your baby girl is here (in a few more weeks at least, right spot? I meanBrynn) you will have a life time to get things ready for her. I understand how you feel though.
PS: you will love the sex in the city movie, I saw it 3 times LOL .
Take care
you are doing such a fantastic job! You have the happiest sweetest attitude. It just brings me up all the time reading your posts.
Your lil girl is so very very blessed
So happy to hear things are going well. What a blessing to see all those goodies for your little one waiting for you. I noticed those Playtex Drop Ins...best bottle ever!
A HUGE congrats on 29 weeks! You're completely justified to have those feelings, hun. It's the way we're "wired" as women I think. You never need to apologize for putting those thoughts into print...that's healthy! As someone else said, you're job is keeping her safe and nourished in her temporary home...and that's a big job!
Neela...ahhh...gotta love the Kong's! Hours of puppy fun!
As I've said before, your positive attitude is an inspiration. *hugs*
Yah for 29 weeks! I know that feels good, but just wait for 30! It feels different for some reason, like when you go from being 12 to 13.
Maybe you can redirect your nesting to things you can do lying down like knitting, crocheting or starting a baby book.
Right now, I wish I had the time to do those kinds of things, but I feel obligated to cleaning the house. No fun!
Huge hugs, Sara. You are doing the most important job of all keeping that little one safe and healthy. I wish your journey could be more "normal" and you had an outlet for your nesting. You have waited a long time for this and it's only natural to feel a little sad that things aren't quite happening the way you expected. Are there any things you can work on while resting - birth announcements, scrapbook, etc.? I know it's not quite the same.
I love both pics of your sweet furbaby. Yes, I see her peaking out the window from the chair in Brynn's room. LOL. (:
I know exactly how you feel, hon! It's normal, as I'm sure you've heard. Your attitude is so positive and that's so important. I'm sure it isn't easy sitting there, but of course you are correct and you are doing the most important job! Your puppy is too cute! Enjoy your movie and stay put ;o)
Sending you hugs
-D *ICLW*
First of all, YAY for 29 weeks!!!!!! I think if I were in your shoes I would be going a bit crazy but you amaze me at how well you are doing. As far as having the occasional moment of the blues over having your pregnancy not turn out anything at all like you had hoped, I would say that is to be expected. Too me you sound like you are dealing with that amazingly well too.
The room looks fantastic and all those gifts look so fun. Hope you still get to spend more time at home and the contractions stay away. Hugs to you.
WHAT??!! You think your useless as far as productivity goes?? You are, by far, doing the most productive thing there is. You are THE most important person to Brynn right now. So stay strong and eat and rest whenever you can.
So excited that you have made it to 29 weeks. I hope the doc appt goes well.
Talk to you soon.
Sara this post makes me SO SO happy. I'm thrilled that you are home and at 29 weeks!! Congrats. That is a huge yeah!! I love the name Brynn by the way. So cute.
That Kong picture is adorable. Maybe a new trick to teach our dog?
**HUGS**
Oh I am so happy to read that you were home and snuggled in this weekend=) And almost 30 weeks!! Yippee! You have done a SUPER job, Sara!
I can sympathize a little with you. Although I can get into my wheelchair and go into Carter's room, I can't really do anything hands-on. All I can do is watch others make his bed, or hang his pictures...but I can't do it myself. I get so excited when I wash his clothes because I actually get to fold them. We really are doing the most important job of all...let's keep reminding each other of that!!
Hooray for 29 weeks!
I had to laugh at that first picture with all the pastel gift bags...that's exactly what my living room looked like for MONTHS. We didn't get the home office stuff cleared out of the nursery until about a month before BG was born, and I didn't finally get through clearing up all the bags and putting away their contents until well after the birth. Nursery looked like a crackhouse for a long time. I know how frustrating it is not to be able to prepare for your baby's arrival the way you want to, but it sounds like you have a great attitude. Keep that baby cooking!
(PS Target makes Drop-Ins liners that cost half of what the Playtex branded ones do...trust me, you will be spending a LOT of money on those things once you go back to work and Brynn is taking a bottle! Or if you have a kid like mine who is closing in on 2 with no signs of giving up the bottle...)
Well, first of all, absolutely fabulous attitude! I really found that putting everything in as positive a light as possible really helped make bedrest more tolerable. It's not always easy, though, as you certainly know. Sleep sure helps. Hooray for your own bed!
The other thing I wanted to say is that I, too, struggled with all the things I wanted to he doing but couldn't. Now, just under 3 years later (I was hospitalized July 8th to September 25th, not that those dates are burned into my memory or anything) I can say that it really doesn't bother me any more. Being a parent is so much more important that having the perfect pregnancy or perfectly prepared nursery. You've gotten that girl to 29 weeks, and she is going to be healthy and with you forever, and all these memories of drugs and hospitals and all the bedrest will be replaced by memories of new teeth and crawling and first tap dancing shoes.
Good gestating, Sara! You're going to be a great mommy. You already are.
Here from ICLW, but frequent reader. Glad to hear you and spot are home and safe for now. The nursery looks lovely, very similar in color to what we want.
Best of luck.
HAPPY 29 WEEKS !!!!!!!!!
The most important job you have is to keep Brynn in as long as possible. I, too, hated not being able to truly nest and put everything together as well for the twins. But, now that they are here and I'm feeling much better I'm doing all the nesting I missed out on. I'm sure that you will do the same when you are feeling up to it after Brynn has arrived.
Yeah!!!! I am so glad that you are home! Look at all the great baby stuff for Brynn! How exciting..Praying everyday for you!!
I can totally understand your mini regrets. I think any mother on bedrest has them, but when you've gone through IVF you've already gvien up so much 'normal' that it is a balancing act to cope with having more ways you have to accept that you aren't going to do it the 'normal' way. But 29 weeks is such an accoplishment! You are a UU rock star.
Your nursery looks great!
You'll get to do some preparation for her later. When you get to thirty seven weeks and they let you off bedrest, you can go to town.
Neela looks SO cute in those pictures. I always want to snuggle her. My in-laws' dog does hands free Kong too, but she turns over on her back and uses the Kong kind of like a shot glass.
Yay for 29 weeks! Hope you both stay happy and healthy! and you'll have plenty of time after she's here to set everything up how you want. :-)
happy ICLW!
www.NaturallyKnockedUp.com
OMG
you are so preared!!! AAAHHHHHH!
Right there with you on the fall season. I hope it breaths a little life into my listless soul...
Wow, I missed a lot over the past few days. LOVE the name! So pretty. I'm glad you're back and home and things seem quieter for now. :) :) :)
Your nursery looks adorable!!!!!
Yay for a weekend at home and 29 weeks, that's awesome! The nursery is looking great...I'm getting excited for you looking at all that stuff.
Like everyone says, you're doing the most important job of all right now, don't forget that. :)
I'm visiting from ICLW. Congrats on the 29th week mark! I will keep you in my prayers!
Those are my favorite Monday night shows as well. I am so excited Heroes is coming back on tonight. I am glad you are at home to watch it!
I'm so happy that you and Brynn are another week closer to a healthy delivery. I'm counting down with you now. Thank God for your mom and friends who have helped. You just relax...enjoy SATC!
You are doing so well! It will all come together later, you will see. For now just RELAX!
I love the picture of the dog, and all the goodies for your lucky lucky little girl!
ICLW
Phew. You're still pregnant :)
Crossing my fingers that you crack 30 weeks
xx
J
You're home!! Yay!!
I hate that you can't do the normal things that most women get to do while preggers. I would be feeling the same way. You're wonderful attitude never ceases to amaze me.
I really admire you, girly...Brynn is so lucky to have you as her Momma. :)
Hang in there...
((HUGS))
Congratulations on 29 weeks! Brynn in obviously so calm in there because your attitude is so great. I'm sure you would love to be doing all the washing and cleaning, nesting things about now, but delegate while you can I say - you will have heaps to do when she's here.
Here's to making it to 30 weeks!
A former bed rester here. I went through 10 weeks flat on my back, so I know just how hard you are working at what you are doing. And the meds you are on? Yuck. I am feeling for you...and sending you loads of positive energy for many more weeks of bed rest to come!
Hope the stress test went well and the contractions stay away.
Stacie
Here from ICLW
Yes, you keep trying to remember that you ARE doing the best kind of nesting - the incubating of Brynn.
Our dreams of how things will go and how things end up going are often so different. I always wanted to have my babies like I see in the movies. Feeling a hard contraction or my water breaking and me telling my husband "it's time". But instead, both babies have been thruogh appointment times in going into the hospital to start labor. Sure, I wish it was how I dreamed, but that's not how it happened. Does that make my baby any less special? Hell no. It just makes MY story special because it's my story.
And a HUGE HAPPY 29 weeks!!!! I'm thrilled for you!!!
iclw, but i'd of been over here anyway!
Hello from NCLW!! I loved stopping in and reading your blog! Hope your week is going great!
Congrats on your pregnancy!! You won't have to shop for a while! LOL
Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
I can only imagine how you are feeling...Since Sweetness arrived early, I felt that way as people helped. Just remember that no one else can do what you are doing...and you are doing amazing at that important job!!!
Happy 29 and here's to 30!!!
It's great to hear that things are going well and that the contractions are under control! It sounds like you are keeping yourself relatively busy.
By the way, your dog is cute - love the hands free trick!
from ICLW
You are doing such an important, amazing thing for your baby!
Have you read www.mattlogelin.com
Hard to read..but worth the warning for all Moms who have been on long term bed rest!! As a nurse I am sure you are aware of the dangers to you...but I bet Matt and Liz would have liked to have gone into their situation with some more knowledge and warnings..
Blessings to you!
From a worried friend
Your puppydog is too cute. My border collie is the only one who is any "good" at Kongs. The lab is too dumb.
Having to rely on others to do the stuff I want to do would drive me totally nuts - you're doing well!
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