Dealing with life pre pregnancy

Have you ever had a day where you felt like you did a whole bunch of housekeeping - without picking up a dust rag or vacuum? Today was one of those days. Saying that is kind of ironic because my day actually started out with the arrival of our cleaning lady bright and early who actually did do her fair share of dusting and vacuuming - but me myself...well no dusting or vacuuming was on the agenda. I know I've said it before, but months ago I never would think I actually miss using my yellow Dyson, but I do. Watching someone else spend some "quality one on one time" with my favorite cleaning appliance is kind of like having to watch you husband in bed with another woman, LOL! Yes I'm a sicko - but you all know that by now. For some reason I find vacuuming relaxing - and I miss our time we spent together before bedrest, hehe! Despite the fact that our cleaning lady got to spend the time with my dyson - I still think I came out on top in the end because I used her as a captive audience who couldn't leave for several hours and I talked her ear off to help keep me company and pass the time.

Also while she was working and my dog brought her toy after toy - I was able to get a whole bunch of stuff done for work. Although I haven't been able to work since May, I've been trying to keep up on any paperwork or housekeeping type stuff so that my transition back after my maternity time is a smooth one. It seems like I've been off of work for so long it's sometimes hard to remember that until my OB found out that my cervix was shortening and that I needed the cerclage I was working my normal long shifts doing cases. Life was so different than it is now. When I look at what a day was like back at the beginning of May to what one looks like now - it is actually hard to find many similarities. It's like it's the two different lives of two different people. And yet in just a few short months - the life that was mine at the beginning of May, I'm going to have to jump back into again. Sure we'll have a little girl then - but I'll also need to jump back into our previous life a bit as well. That is a very strange and bizarre thought to me these days.

So long story short - it has come time where I need to reapply for privileges at our hospital. It's something we have to do every two years. Basically because the CRNAs are not employed by the hospital like all other areas of nursing are - we have to apply for the right to practice at the hospital I work at. Instead we are part of a corporation through the anesthesia department - and every two years we have to go through a re-credentialing process. For some reason if the anesthesia department (comprised of anesthesiologists and fellow nurse anesthetists) was not happy with your practice over the last two years - they kind of have the right not to renew your privileges and to "let you go." without having to go through the typical hospital chain of command that was more familiar to me when I worked as an ICU nurse or other areas. Re-credentialing just really involves a lot of paperwork and I'm proud to say I think I'm finally done with it all as of today! I have privileges to practice at two hospitals - but the process is basically the same. So hopefully when the time comes for me to return in the months ahead - everything will be all lined up and ready to go.

Later in the day I went to my appointment and it went great! Cervix is unchanged from discharge of the hospital - way to go previous problem child :-) NST went good too - not too many contractions and our little girl behaved nicely again as well. The seat was still sort of warm from the woman before me which kind of was a bit odd - but then again anytime a pregnant woman near term has her butt in one spot for over a half hour - I guess it's reasonable to think it might stay warm for awhile, LOL! Poor woman following my NST probably got a warm one for her sitting pleasure as well. We also had a growth scan of our little Spot as well which was the best part of the day. She was measuring in the 10-15 percentile but weighed in around 2 pounds 4 oz. She broke the 2 pound mark and that was so good to hear! I'll try to scan some photos later from the DVD to post tomorrow if my husband has time to help me with them. (the one above is the only print out one - but the girl was nice enough to flip it over to 3D for a few moments). The whole time I kept seeing her try to stick something in her mouth to suck on, and I figured it was her hand at a weird angle. But then the ultrasound tech said, "Look, your daughter is quite the flexible one. She's bending her leg up and has her foot in her mouth." No wonder I kept feeling a lot of odd movements lately - Brynn seems to have turned into a foot sucker! When she takes it out of her mouth it rubber bands and snaps back to a straight position which seems to result in a strong THUMP feeling back again against my abdomen. I've been feeling that a lot the last week - and now part of the mystery THUMP is solved.

The whole time I was watching the ultrasound I felt all sappy and emotional. I felt guilty for my "poor me" feelings that I have been focusing on over the last few days a bit more than normal. Well, I think the thing I need to remember when I'm having one of my "moments" was best said by Barefoot Suzie on her blog this week. Not sure where she found the quote herself, but how true is this?

“being pregnant is the only chance we will ever get to help God with a miracle”

-author unknown

There is a miracle growing inside me, and if I would have known that we would have had this chance a year ago when we were having failed IUI after failed IUI - I would have agreed to do anything to have any shot at being a part of such a miracle. Bedrest or anything else - I would have agreed to it. So now I need to remember that. Now we have that chance, while so many others are still struggling to have their own chance with that - I need to remember how fortunate we are. Seeing her on the ultrasound gave me the little physical reminder of that miracle. Foot sucking and all - our little girl has gone from our tiny "Spot" to our 2 pound "THUMPer." That is a miracle if I've ever known one.