I find myself in a new mindset approaching our fourth and final IUI this upcoming week. On one hand I'm excited for another try at things. On the other, Im not too optomistic that this will work since the first two didn't even though we "responded well" to the meds. But above all...I think I'm finally accepting that we may be one of those couples who have to rely on IVF to conceive..one of those couples I never thought I'd be.
Since I work at the hospital that my RE practices out of...I have the luxury of running to their office on my breaks for my lab work and ultrasounds. Convenient I know..but at the same time, my boss, our lead CRNA knows a little more of our fertility journey than most bosses would know. I start work early at 6 AM so even though my RE opens at 6:30...tests always fall within work hours with the promise of "I'll be back in 15 or 30 minutes." Also, I guess I'm lucky enough to pick my CRNA and doctor to do my anesthesia (one of my best friends) for egg retrieval. On the other hand, my coworkers get to see me exposed, vulnerable, and the whole process firsthand.
At work...we have 40 nurse anesthetists...CRNAs. Currently 4 are pregnant, and six others have been pregnant in the last year. It's a babyfest. My close coworkers..most of who are among the pregnancy parade (because those are the girls I went to school with or are my age) know of my journey through infertility. Three more that I know of are trying to become pregnant. It always is interesting when one of them asks me cautiously how everything is going..or how I'm doing...feeling, etc. They stand there with a look of sympathy but also fear as well. The ones trying to get pregnant almost look like they are afraid that they will catch the infertility curse....as if infertility is contagious. I want to say..look...first of all I'm sure most of you were born with a full uterus, not a half like me..so you are so far ahead of the game you don't even realize it! Second...most people don't have problems conceiving...just because I am doesn't mean that you will! Nor do I expect or want you to have trouble conceiving!
Well I guess I'm off to bed because I have to work this Saturday. Pray that no one falls and breaks a hip, decides to mangle their hands in snow blowers or table saws, or that any little kids stick jewelry beads in their ears for whatever reasons us as adults will never understand. That is what occured among my last weekend on in the OR at work. But until later...have a great night everyone!
4 comments:
I hope your IUI works perfectly this time. It would be convenient to have the RE so close, but I guess you have to pay for that with lack of privacy. Do you think it is worth it?
Have fun at work tomorrow! I hope it is an easy day.
saying prayers for IUI#3
I hope this IUI is it for you! I totally have had the feeling of people feeling like my infertility was going to rub off on them!
It must be so strange to have so many of your co-workers and your boss in on your private business.
Re IF being contagious - If you look at any infertile they are absolutely surrounded by fertiles. Therefore, I think it's pretty safe to say that if you KNOW an infertile that you won't BE infertile yourself.
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