I'm not sure how to even begin to write this..I am so sad, frustrated, and angry all at the same time. I have just learned that one of my classmates from anesthesia school has passed away. This person died from a drug overdose, a drug that we give to patients daily in the operating room as a part of many anesthetics. My classmate had been secretly addicted to the drug propofol otherwise known as diprivan. They leave behind a family including children. A life that was so promising is now wasted. Their spouse is left with hundreds of thousands of school debt, raising children as a single parent and worst of all...my classmate's children are left having lost a parent. I am sad because I know that they were a good person deep down. I'm frustrated that no one caught the warning signs that were there. Frustrated that this is the second person in two years from our program whom I have learned abused this very drug. Most of all I'm angry. I'm angry because my classmate put patients at risk, patients who could have been my family members, myself, or worst of all...my daughter Brynn someday.
I'm also angry because as an anesthesia community we know of the high rate of substance abuse in our community among practitioners. Anesthetists have one of the highest rates of substance abuse over most other areas of medicine. I'm angry because study after study have found that over 10% of anesthetists are addicted to some form of substance abuse whether it be drugs or alcohol, and those CRNAs could practice impaired. And I'm angry because we as a profession haven't been able to change this yet. Because we haven't learned how to change this staggering and horrifying fact yet...another gas passer has lost their battle with substance abuse. And this time it was someone I knew...AGAIN. We have to change something....we just have to. It's a shame that some have cast such a darkness on a profession that is comprised of so many good people. But also for those who have cast this shadow, I'm sad for those that they leave behind.
I just wanted to update and say that I have my FSH level to be drawn this week to see where we stand with things going forward. Please cross your fingers and wish me luck!
27 comments:
So sorry Sara....
My heart goes out to your colleague's family and you too. I know of several "impaired" nurses and doctors, it's heartbreaking and incredibly frustrating.
((Hugs)), so sorry
That's terrible. I'm so sorry :(.
I'm sorry Sara. I don't understand how situations like this can happen in the first place. What's their motivation for taking the drug that very first time?
That is so very sad. 15 years ago we had a CRNA commit suicide in the parking lot of the hospital. It was a stunning shock. She stuck two IV's in her arm and went at it. I don't understand how people can abandon their children. But I guess I just really don't understand the impairment piece of it.
How very sad. Praying that losses like this come to an end in the future (or are minimized at the very least).
~ICLW
I'm so sorry sweetie.
So sorry to hear. It's ashame.
That's awful. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry for the loss. And sorry for your very understandable anger too.
(I'm counting you for ICLW today, even though I read you regularly.)
~hugs~ miss sara.
(my gas passer on thursday was NOT a nice girl. If I wasn't unconscious, I'd of told her you were MUCH better of a gas passer than her.)
So sorry to read about this. How devastating.
this is awful sara. Gosh, I'm so sorry
So sorry to hear about your friend. My thoughts with you - it is hard -I am sure.
How sad Sara. I'm so sorry for your loss and for his/her family. Substance abuse is very difficult and it ruins lives. My heart is with you.
I am so saddened to hear that. I have similar stories, collegues who deliberately injected insulin and the like. Accidental or deliberate, it is sad, very sad.
J
It is really sad, and I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this loss.
In my state, prescription drug overdoses have become the #1 killer, so it's certainly not just your profession that is experiencing this. As a society, we need to do a better job with prescription drug abuse. It's somehow become more socially acceptable than street drugs, and we have to change that perception, because they are just as deadly.
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your classmate. As a former addict to the painkiller darvoset (sp?) I know how easy it is to fall into the trap. I had a bum wrist from tendinitis. I was depressed over my first m/c and the death of my Mom that year. It was easy to fall. My husband didn't know. No one knew. Luckily it wasn't a long addiction. I got help after being stopped from a suicide attempt. It was a really hard time. Now I am healthy and have coping skills and wow. to tell someone after two years makes it surreal. It has been a long road and I am getting healthier every day. I am blessed that I had family that knew me well enough to know something wasn't right. As simple as closing a bathroom door for a bath was the sign. Who knew Hubby knew my habits so well.
Thanks for letting me share.
I'm so sorry. Addiction is such an awful thing that robs so many of so much. Not just the addicted but those they love.
Oh, Sara. That is the saddest thing that I have heard in a long time. I'm so sorry. Years ago I lost a friend to a drug problem, it's such a waste of what could have been a beautiful life. And all of the people that are left have to endure a lifetime of confusion and saddness. I'm sorry.
But, I am glad that hear that you are getting your fsh tested! It would be wonderful to have another uu'er to be pregnant with:)
I'm so sorry to hear about your classmate- that is so tragic.
I will be thinking of you this week, that you get a good result with your FSH level.
I'm so sorry about your classmate and their family. I completely understand your anger. I, too, get angry when I hear of people doing drugs. "How can you NOT know how bad it is for YOU?!" That's what I think every time.
Sending you hugs!
While the loss of a person is devastating, it is my understanding that if the former student dies, the student loan debt dies with him/her. That may be of some comfort to this family. It's possible that this applies only to federally assured student loans and not to private student loans; but odds are this person had federal loans anyway. Please double-check this just to make sure, but I know I've heard this many times from reputable sources.
I'm so sorry Sara, it's awful to see a family left in ruins like that.
I was trying to leave a comment on your newest post on you FSH, but it wasn't there. Hmmm..
Anyway, do you frozen embryos from your IVF cycle last year? I thought I remembered you saying that...If so, are those a possibility?
good luck with the FSH! Keep me posted. I'm still trying to decide how to proceed.
Also, so sorry to hear about your colleague. Keep your chin up.
Wow, I didn't know that it was such a problem in your community. I'm so sorry for you and the family and friends surrounding this person.
Fingers are crossed for lowering levels.
Addiction is certainly sanity-robbing. We actually had a nurse at my last hospital steal a Pyxis machine from the 6th floor, roll it down the elevator and out the front doors past security, load it in his truck, and break it open to get the fentanyl.
I've never heard of diprivan abuse, though. That seems so nuts. So sorry.
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