I'm working a double tomorrow...but it's part of my normal shift. I normally do one 16 hour shift a week and two 12 hour shifts. That gives me 4 days off per week which I love. That's my only motivation for the one long day I put in a week. I always find that I have to build myself up the night before my long day...promising myself something good on the day to follow. Monday will be a long day, but Tuesday I get to sleep in and I think I may treat myself to a couple of cute spring tops at one of my favorite stores like Ann Tay.lor Loft or J Cr.ew. I haven't been shopping in several weeks and I'm beginning to feel the burn!
I have mixed feelings about being at work the last week or so. Tomorrow I'm supposed to be in the IVF lab for an egg retrieval first thing, then have an easy morning giving breaks. I find that this is a double edged sword in this dreaded two week wait. On one hand, I'm probably more sympathetic than most CRNAs doing the anesthesia portion since exactly two weeks ago I underwent the same thing myself. On the other hand, I have so selfishly been absorbed with my own feelings that I feel I have little to share with patients these days. I hope that whoever is getting their egg retrieval is a trooper and doesn't cry because they will probably be astonished that I will be teary eyed with them! Actually...although I say that...I'll probably be the stoik person that I can put forth the front when I really need to. People at work always think that I am calm in a crisis...and level headed..little do they know that secretly I am cracking inside :-) Oh well...guess that makes me human.
I still have absolutely no feelings like I'm pregnant. I am tempted to test starting Wednesday. I'm not sure when I could expect a positive to start showing if I actually would be blessed to see one. Our egg retrieval was two weeks ago tomorrow...and our transfer will be two weeks on Thursday. I'm not sure when a positive could be expected. It's crazy to think of what we would do if this doesn't work...I guess try a frozen transfer with the few ones we were able to freeze. Even though I don't think that this is the month for us...I don't think I can start to think of what we will do next until I know anything for certain. It's all a little too overwhelming. And at the moment...I'm feeling a little too desperate. Desperate...I think that's a word I used to hate...yet now has seemed to engulf me.
17 comments:
I know the whole desperate thing. It seems to rule my life sometimes. I also know what you mean about crying with the patient. I'm a sympathetic cryer and in the past when I've had comfort care patients who've passed and the family was crying I often got teary too. Hang in there and I hope your day tomorrow goes quickly.
Sara babe, feel free to link to my blogs anytime you want-no permission needed.
thanks for the ego boost on the writing thing. it helps on the low-confidence days, trust me.
as for your blog, first let me say that i can also tell people that i have a writing friend. you are so raw and honest in expressing your emotions that makes people want to read more. and cheer you on in the process!
I'm one of those cheerleaders, sara. I love you to death, and I'm here whenever you need me.
Now back to the cheerleading: "Come on, uterus! Come on,uterus!"
;)
( i deleted the first post for major typo removal. No one ever said that a writer needs to separated from her spell check...LOL)
Don't count yourself out yet, girl. I did not feel one bit of difference when I first got my bfp. I hope your long day goes well. At my hospital, management is not allowed to schedule a 16 hour shift for nurses. Hooray that it gives you an extra day off, though.
Hang in there, Sara. I didn't feel much different at all when I got my positive except for a couple things that happen after ovulation sometimes anyway.
I know the desperate feeling and it's okay to not have a plan and focus just on today.
Hoping with you and for you!
I'm sorry you have to work a double tomorrow. 16 hours sounds incredibly painful!
As for testing, I would definitely think you could test (even now). Since it has been almost two weeks since your ER. I would definitely think by Wednesday though.
Doesn't the ER kind of simulate Ovulation (based on days anyway). So the TWW would be over for you tomorrow. And usually you can test as early as 12 DPO and not the full two weeks (14 DPO).
I wish you lots of patience! You are such a trooper about this wait. I can't believe you haven't tested yet!!
I'm also sorry you're feeling so down. I sincerely hope you are pleasantly surprised this week with a BFP which will totally rejuvinate you!!
Four days off a week sounds nice, but not what you have to do to get it!
I've had my fingers crossed this whole time and I will keep them crossed.
It is a very overwhelming time. Good luck to you this week! I waited the full 2 weeks post transfer to test. I didn't have the heart for it.
Keep up the good work of breathing. Thats all that should be expected of you. Saying prayers for you
hang in there, pretty girl!!
you are absolutely in my prayers and thoughts and you just never know what might happen. ;)
*hugs*
i know how you feel gir. Get busy in a way that doesn't physically task you like say online shopping :). Wednesday is closer than you think. Praying for you
Hey there! Not exactly sure how I found you ... maybe Miss E's blog. Just wanted to wish you well and I hope to hear good news this week!
Looks like we have a few things in common. We are planning our first IVF cycle this summer. Also, I am a second career nursing student (will graduate in December) right here in MI. I'm not yet sure where my career will take me but I'm interested in becoming a CRNA or NP. Of course, a lot depends on what happens with "the baby thing" :)
You're almost there, Sara! We're all rooting for you! Keep us updated.
Not sure how you handle all this with that work schedule! Incredible. Sometimes I think I am "under-employed" and that I would handle the TTC stuff better if I was busy. I hope that is the case for you this week as you stave off you want to POAS.
Pulling for you.
Hi Sara! Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. I'll have to add your blog to my list. I've been reading different ones and have found it very comforting to read the stories of other couples going through the same thing. I will definitely be visiting your site to check on your outcome. Saying a prayer that you get a positive result!!
OMgosh...I cried at my ER, and my ET...and I'm sure I will cry at my ultrasound. lol
IVF is an emotional roller coaster, don't be too hard on yourself.
Just FYI, I got my BFP at 11 days past ER. AND I had only ONE symptom and that was extremem hunger the night before I tested +.
I think you should give it a try - I bet you'll get a happy suprise. I SWORE I wasn't pg becaue I felt nothing. It comes later. ;)
OMgosh...I cried at my ER, and my ET...and I'm sure I will cry at my ultrasound. lol
IVF is an emotional roller coaster, don't be too hard on yourself.
Just FYI, I got my BFP at 11 days past ER. AND I had only ONE symptom and that was extremem hunger the night before I tested +.
I think you should give it a try - I bet you'll get a happy suprise. I SWORE I wasn't pg becaue I felt nothing. It comes later. ;)
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