Next step..test tube or petri dish baby

Well, I found out our fourth and last IUI didn't work this morning. I woke up around 7AM or so with some cramps and I knew what was coming. I got the arrival from the infamous visitor about an hour later. I hate how much I know my body...hate it. And she was extra sneaky this month, she wasn't due to make her appearance until Tuesday or Wednesday. Well I'm sure how you all love unannounced drop in company when you're stil in your pajamas...I was not a happy camper.

On a positive note, I had to work yesterday and it was a great day. All the cases finished up by 4:00 and we just got to relax the last few hours...today I'm on call so I'm just getting caught up on house stuff, and being lazy. It's like 2 degrees outside and the windchill is like negative 17....yikes! That is very unusual for southern MI...usually it's cold, but not that cold. I went out to get the paper, and my face hurt. I was only out for like 15 seconds and I could already feel the iciness in the air!

I am excited to start this whole next step...and scared also. (it's funny...instead of scared at first I wrote scarred...I guess I feel that way too. Wonder if that was like a subconscious slip or something.) Inside the IVF lab where they do the egg retrievals, I always look at the poster that is on the wall that actually one of our anesthesia techs gave to my RE's office a long time ago. It is a picture of a baby jumping into a test tube. It was taken in the 80's when IVF was still a new concept.

It's funny...I always thought that it would be weird to have to have a test tube or petri dish baby. It will be weird if this actually works because you would be one of the only people to be able to say that your child actually grew both outside your body and inside you as well. Your child would take their first vacation and journey before they were even born! All in all my child wouldn't be able to say that I never paid for them to have any trips or vacations...haha just kidding!

I feel terrible saying this...but sometimes I feel like I'm going to be more excited or love my child more than other people do because we had to work so hard to have him or her. I know pregnancy is not a contest and I know that people who get pregnant right away love their children wholely...but...I feel like I will such a larger appreciation for the little bean once they get here because it's been such a journey already. I'm just writing my feelings..as right or wrong as they may be.

I'm excited because Brothers and Sisters is new tonight...love that show...love it. Only three and a half more hours to be on open heart call for work...please oh please let me be able to stay home in my comfy clothes!